Baby Blue Marine (1976)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by John Hancock
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Sony Movie Channel)

Norman Rockwell paintings come to life when a rejected Marine recruit assumes the identity of a Marine hero in a small town. He doesn't do it for selfish reasons, mainly I think out of shame from failing as a recruit. He calms some worried town folk by telling them the war is going fine, even telling one mother he met her son in a chow line. He falls in love with local beauty Glynnis O'Connor, eventually the only one he tells the truth to about his identity. A subplot involves interned Japanese-Americans in a nearby government facility. The clever set up had the potential to make some insightful statements on wartime America, but seemed more interested in the innocent romance between the leads. It's not bad, just a little too easy-going for the material.

Jellyfish (2007)

Directed by Etgar Keret and Shira Geffen
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Sundance)

Impressionistic little Israeli drama about abandonment in modern society. The main character is Batia, a young woman working as a waitress at weddings. She lives mostly alone, occasionally talking to her mother on the phone. One day she finds a little girl on the beach, who literally walks out of the ocean. Though never speaking a word, they immediately bond and she takes the girl home. Over time, mainly through flashbacks, the film seems to suggest the girl and woman are actually one and the same. She remembers a day on the beach with her own parents when she was left alone in the ocean, with the same life preserver worn by the present day little girl, as they argue on the beach. In another story, newlyweds struggle to connect in a hotel room on their honeymoon. He strikes up a friendship with a woman in another room, leading his bride to fear he might abandon her. Finally, we follow a Philippine woman who is a caregiver for an aging woman who has been left to fend for herself by an indifferent daughter. Again, the theme of abandonment is front and center.

These Are the Damned (1963)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Joseph Losey
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Sony)

Oliver Reed is the leader of a group of thugs in a British seaside resort town who prey on local tourists. One day they pick on Macdonald Carey, a wealthy American who lives on a yacht. They get his wallet but he gets their girl, Oliver's sister, who steals away with him on the yacht. Oliver pursues them to a remote area on the cliffs. At this point the plot takes a completely unexpected turn and becomes a sci-fi tinged, nuclear scare film. They stumble on a group of undead children living in some caves who are radioactive. Really. Apparently they are man's last hope when the inevitable nuclear war begins. Exactly who they are and how that will work is not explained very well. Are they immune to radiation? Will they take off in a big spaceship to another planet as they alluded to at one point? These lingering questions and the unrelated first half or so make the film unsatisfying on most levels.

A Prairie Home Companion (2006)

Directed by Robert Altman
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Sundance)

I'm only a casual fan of the radio series, but I had heard enough that I looked forward to seeing Garrison and company live and in person, so to speak. I also like Robert Altman and his unconventional style of film making. Unfortunately this was crushingly disappointing and a big, long bore of a movie. I blame the actors, big names all, for some trite, annoying characterizations. Streep and Tomlin's Johnson Sisters were particularly offensive: air-headed country bumpkins that made me angry every time they appeared on screen. They endlessly babbled about their dear old mama while Streep completely failed in a poorly disguised Dolly Parton imitation. Then there were Dusty and Lefty, two wisecracking cowboys who tell dirty jokes on stage. Woody Harrelson cements his place as possibly the worst actor currently appearing in movies. I could single out others, but surprisingly not Lindsay Lohan, who was fine as the depressing teenager who gets her big chance on stage. It's more or less a plotless, meandering account of a typical radio show, with some silliness about an angel wandering around the stage guiding people to heaven to meet their maker. And why was Kevin Kline even in this movie?

Nine Hours to Rama (1963)

20th Century Fox
Directed by Mark Robson
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

Historical re-enactment of the day Mahatma Gandhi was assassinated. The story of the assassin is told mostly in long flashbacks. He develops a hatred for Gandhi based on events in his childhood and political brainwashing by extremists. He also falls in love with a married woman, an uninteresting romance that takes up far too much screen time. Finally returning to the present, we are privy to Gandhi's last moments in some fascinating scenes. The India locations are wonderful and there is an excellent soundtrack of classical Indian music.

The Extraordinary Seaman (1969)

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
Directed by John Frankenheimer
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

It's the weak link in the "irreverent war" trilogy that consists of the much better MASH and Catch-22, although this does beat them both by a year. Alan Alda more or less invents his Hawkeye character here, he's got all the same mannerisms and it's impossible to ignore the similarities in setting. He's a hapless Army Lieutenant stranded on a Philippine island with a silent Indian, a gunner's mate and Mickey Rooney. They discover David Niven on a beached British steamer. He never eats, never sleeps, never leaves the bridge and drinks endless glasses of whiskey. Hmmm, extraordinary indeed. When they need batteries to restart the boat, um ship, they find Faye Dunaway running a junk yard. Back in operation, they hatch a plan to sink an enemy ship, any ship, and they just happen to pick the one they are on to sign the peace treaty which ended WWII.

Highwaymen (2004)

New Line Cinema
Directed by Robert Harmon
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Sundance)

Average entry in a genre populated by classics such as Duel, Vanishing Point and the director's own The Hitcher. James Caviezel drives a muscle car through barren landscapes and gritty city streets in search of the maniac who ran over his wife. The killer is a middle aged insurance salesman more machine than human, with numerous prosthetics apparently obtained in automobile accidents. Anyway, he's after Rhona Mitra, an eyewitness to his latest car carnage. Boy and girl team up with a police traffic investigator to stop him once and for all. Some impressive car stunts refreshingly free of CGI, but also a particularly ludicrous one involving an upside down car being dragged through deserted city streets.

Zebra in the Kitchen (1965)

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
Directed by Ivan Tors
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Jay North is a kid living in the country with his pet mountain lion. His parents decide to move to the city and Jay has to give up his lion. Instead, he sneaks it into town, creating havoc with the neighbors. He's forced to give it to a run-down zoo owned by Martin Milner. Jay starts working at the zoo, but the sight of all those animals in small chain-link enclosures leads him to set the animals free. A steady parade of gags follow, monkeys in a toy store, elephants in back yards and yes a zebra in the kitchen, none of which are funny. In fact, I found the film rather disturbing, especially scenes of "daddy-o" teenagers feeding a hippo cigars and tormenting the big cats. The animals are gradually rounded up and there is a final confrontation between Jay and the zoo owner. It's poorly edited, with almost no continuity, and an awkward framing device.

The Blue Bird (1940)

20th Century Fox
Directed by Walter Lang
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

Hilariously awful attempt by Fox to duplicate the success of MGM's Wizard of Oz. It starts off in black and white with Shirley Temple living in the German forest with her poor family. She's a selfish little girl who dreams of having handmaidens and living the life of luxury. She goes to sleep one night and dreams the rest of the movie in Technicolor (sound familiar?). In her dream her pet dog and cat become human. Eddie Collins as Tylo the Dog is actually fairly entertaining: he's got a dog face, walks like a dog, acts like a dog and argues constantly with the cat. Gale Sondergaard is less successful as Tylette the cat, she's a devious troublemaker who tries to sabotage every step of the journey. So this strange group is told by Light, basically the good witch of this story, to search the Technicolor wonderland for the "blue bird", aka "happiness". Taking cues from Dickens' Christmas Carol, they begin their search in the past. It's a spooky cemetery where they find their deceased grandparents "sleeping" in a gingerbread house. No blue bird here. Then they visit the land of luxury, where they find Nigel Bruce as a pampered royal. He's not too friendly. Next they end up in a forest, where the trees are summoned by Tylette the cat to kill Shirley and friends. A crabby old man is the Crab Apple tree and a crying woman is the Weeping Willow. They summon friends Lightning and Fire which set the forest on fire and kill Tylette. No blue bird here either. Finally, they end up in the future, which is inhabited by a bunch of kids in Roman togas "waiting to be born". They are called by Father Time to board a giant sailboat for their trip to Earth. Really. Shirley wakes up and finds the blue bird where it has always been, at home, another blatant Wizard of Oz rip-off. They forgot to return to black and white after Shirley wakes up.

The Curse of the Cat People (1944)

RKO Radio Pictures
Directed by Gunther von Fritsch and Robert Wise
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Bros)

The last time I watched this movie I was very impressed and made a note to watch it again near Christmas. I pulled it out this year on Christmas Eve, but have to wonder what in the world I saw the first time around. The acting, in particular, was forced and unnatural. I can understand the child actors having this problem, but it extended to the adults in the film as well. I noticed the film has two directors, one German, and have to wonder if there was some kind of language barrier between the main director and the actors. The precocious little Ann Carter, who plays the moody Alice Reed, spends most of the movie staring into space in an attempt to look thoughtful. Her parents don't know what to do with her, especially when she starts telling stories about a lady in the garden that nobody else can see. Simone Simon is probably the bast part of the movie, her ghostly Irena providing the only memorable moments.

Alex in Wonderland (1970)

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
Directed by Paul Mazursky
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Donald Sutherland is a maverick young movie director in Hollywood in the late 60s. He's just completed his first film but is struggling to find inspiration for his second. He turns to his own life, including his relationship with his wife and kids, as possible source material. He has wild fantasies inspired by his idol Federico Fellini, possibly fueled by his experimentation with LSD. On a trip to Rome he actually meets Fellini, who is in the editing room working on a film, but all he can think of to ask him is a juvenile question about his favorite food. Later, he meets Jeanne Moreau in a Hollywood bookstore and asks her the same thing, then she breaks into song as they walk together down the street. I liked these little breaks from reality, and the Fellini-inspired fantasies while well-done are more of an imitation than anything else. Overall, it is a dated but interesting look at an artist struggling to find inspiration in commercially-driven Hollywood against a backdrop of the late 60s cultural revolution.

Walt & El Grupo (2008)

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Directed by Theodore Thomas
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Starz)

At the request of the US government, Walt Disney took a group of his employees on a "good will" mission to South America in an attempt to gain political favor in the days leading up to WWII. For Walt, it was an opportunity to research story ideas and sketches for potential movies. Walt was wildly popular, even in South America, and was greeted warmly. The documentary takes the rather unimaginative approach of utilizing old photos and occasional newsreel footage, combined with descendants of the travelers recalling the trip from memory or reading from old letters. The filmmakers also retrace the steps of the group in modern times, so we get to see how the hotels and cityscapes have changed in the past 50 years or so. It's diverting but hardly essential viewing for Disney diehards like myself.

Backtrack! (1969)

Universal Pictures
Directed by Earl Bellamy
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Encore)

A tame 60s western edited together from TV episodes of "Laredo" and "The Virginian". Doug McClure is a shady cowboy who cheats at cards and dice. When he's caught, he's forced to take up real work. His employer sends him to Mexico to pick up a prize bull. He runs into three Texas Rangers in a Laredo bar and ends up joining their pursuit of murderous Indians. Lots of pulled punches, poorly choreographed fights and overly familiar western sets, but Rhonda Fleming sings in a Mexican cabaret and Ida Lupino shows up in Mexico as well!

Charlie Chan at the Race Track (1936)

20th Century Fox
Directed by H. Bruce Humberstone
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, 20th Century Fox)

Charlie gets called to a cruise ship to investigate threats being made to a rich horse owner. The threats soon turn to murder and Charlie must use his best horse-sense to find the killer. Not the best and not the worst Chan, with John Henry Allen cast as a black southern servant for "comedy relief".

Gumshoe (1971)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Stephen Frears
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Sony)

Albert Finney channels his best Bogie as an amateur private eye in Liverpool who gets mixed up with a group of drug traffickers. Finney is practically the whole show, with numerous one-liners in an excellent performance he is obviously having fun with. It's both a satire of The Maltese Falcon and a bona fide mystery in its own right. Billie Whitelaw is an ex-girlfriend now married to his brother, a touchy situation with some good scenes between the threesome. It all leads to an unexpected denouement in London where true identities are revealed.

Das Weisse Band - Eine Deutsche Kindergeschichte (2009)

Sony Pictures Classics
Directed by Michael Haneke
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Starz)

A small German town is being terrorized by accidents and deaths that no one can explain. We slowly get to know its residents only to find out practically every family has deep psychological problems of some sort. The worst is probably the minister (who else?), who runs his family with an iron fist, tormenting and torturing his young children in the name of love. Next worst would probably be the town doctor, who is sexually abusing his young daughter, when he is not slapping around his midwife. Well, someone is kidnapping, torturing and killing the children of these well-respected citizens, who could it be? When not subjected to this unending parade of cliche-ridden angst, we also get to see a horse tripped by wire and a bird killed with scissors. The beautiful widescreen black and white photography by Christian Berger is wasted in this poor imitation of Ingmar Bergman.

Charlie Chan at the Circus (1936)

Directed by Harry Lachman
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(20th Century Fox)

Circus backdrop adds spice to the usual Chan mystery. A man in an ape suit has an important role, but in a neat twist it really is a man in an ape suit, which Charlie is able to deduce. You've got Colonel Tim, a midget who at one point is disguised as a baby in a stroller, cigar and all, and his wife Lady Tiny. When the killer's identity is revealed I have to admit I had no idea who the character was, his role had been so minor up to that point, but it was late and you really have to pay attention in Chan movies.

A Matter of Time (1976)

Directed by Vincente Minnelli
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Liza arrives in the big city of Rome and works as a chambermaid. She meets an aging Contessa, Ingrid Bergman barely recognizable under heavy makeup, who teaches her to appreciate life. Bergman is bitter but hopes to save Liza from the same fate. Also in the hotel is a screenwriter, and through him she gets a screen test which proves to be her big break. Liza sings some songs in voice over, mostly in the exaggerated Broadway style. Sometimes she wanders around Rome and the film becomes a travelogue. It's not as horrible as its reputation, just plain boring.

The Princess and the Frog (2009)

Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Starz)

While I applaud Disney's return to hand-drawn animation, this still has problems. My main beef is the overload of New Orleans cliches, at times this resembles an ad for tourists. They include everything, I mean everything, that typically defines New Orleans: an alligator named Louis that plays the trumpet, a Cajun firefly, frogs in the bayou, a voodoo villain, endless pots of gumbo, Riverboats, restaurants, Dixieland, cemeteries, mansions on the Avenue, and on and on. The plot is the standard "group on a mission": main characters are turned into frogs and end up in the swamp, they must get back to New Orleans by midnight and be kissed by a princess or remain frogs forever. They pick up a few buddies along the way and have some diverting adventures.

The Boys: The Sherman Brothers' Story (2009)

Directed by George Sherman and Jeff Sherman
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Starz)

Biography of the Disney songwriting team that brought us such classics as Mary Poppins and the non-Disney Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is an insightful if melancholy affair. Richard and Robert Sherman reminisce about Tin Pan Alley, where their father first started the family tradition. Dick signs up for the war and is wounded. They settle post war in Hollywood where Walt gives them a break writing a song for Mouseketeer Annette. They hit gold, and get Oscars, for Mary Poppins. Walt dies, leaving the Disney company and the Shermans without guidance. They find limited success after that point, growing apart as they get older. Bob does not look very good as he approaches 80, barely able to walk or speak. I walked away informed but rather depressed.

The Young Swingers (1963)

Directed by Maury Dexter
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

Rod Lauren owns a co-op coffeeshop/jazz club for the kids in LA. They are hassled by an uppity landlord, whose lawyer is constantly trying to shut them down. The landlord's daughter starts dating Rod, giving him the edge he needs to keep the club. The drama is strictly juvenile, but the music is nothing short of a time capsule to pre-Beatles America. There is cool jazz that the kids twist to maniacally, innocent folk that the clap along to enthusiastically and crooning by Gene McDaniels. WOW.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (2008)

Directed by Mark Herman
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Starz)

A German officer of the SS moves his family from Berlin to the country. Eight-year-old Bruno, who has a love for adventure stories, finds a way outside his barricaded mansion and stumbles upon the "farm" next door. Sitting alone on the other side of an electric fence is Shmuel, a boy his age. They strike up a friendship, Bruno completely oblivious that Shmuel is actually in a Nazi concentration camp. Bruno begins to secretly bring him food. Shmuel gets a servant job in the mansion. His father decides to send the kids away, but Bruno wants to help Shmuel find his suddenly missing father so breaks in to the concentration camp. Mistaken for a Jew, Bruno is taken away with his friend in a cruelly ironic, devastating conclusion. The film's simple, and perhaps too predictable, story has a way of drawing in the viewer. The camp and the soldiers, even the father, are broad stereotypes of what you expect them to be. In its defense, the story is most interested in the child, Bruno, and his perspective, so maybe that was the intent.

Cattle King (1963)

Directed by Tay Garnett
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Encore)

Robert Taylor is a Wyoming rancher dealing with hired gunslingers trying to take his land. He's blamed for everything from fence-cutting to murder, though innocent. He goes to Cheyenne to set things right, but ends up face-to-face with President Chester A. Arthur. It turns out ole Chester is sympathetic to his cause, and even shows up unannounced for supper at the ranch. Taylor sets things right with his neighbors in a final shoot-out with heavy Robert Middleton. The interesting historical angle is hindered by melodramatic subplots and the usual one-dimensional performance by Taylor. Still, a rare opportunity to see Chester as a main character!

Princess of the Nile (1954)

Directed by Harmon Jones
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

Spunky Debra Paget is the whole show, in a dual role as Egyptian princess Shalamar and exotic dancer Taura. No opportunity is wasted to show Paget in revealing costumes, wet shirts or compromising positions. As princess, she deals with the invading Bedouins led by Rama Khan. As dancer, both Rama Khan and the sympathetic Prince Haidi fall in love with her. It's silly but entertaining Egyptian escapism with bold 1950s color and set design.

Tension at Table Rock (1956)

Directed by Charles Marquis Warren
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Richard Egan shoots his best friend in a bar fight in self defense, but gets labeled a gunslinger. He even has a ballad written about him, which dogs him wherever he goes. He eventually befriends a rancher and his son at an isolated desert stage stop. Well, local sheriff Cameron Mitchell is dealing with rowdy trail hands tearing up the town but lacks the courage to do anything about it. Egan proves helpful but shoots another man and the truth about his past comes out in the courtroom. Just when he's about to leave, along comes gunslinger DeForest Kelley who forces a shootout on main street. It's awfully familiar stuff, and Egan's stone-faced performance really drags it down. Cheeky Dorothy Malone looks out of place on the wind-swept plains.

Convicted (1950)

Directed by Henry Levin
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Glenn Ford gets drunk and punches out someone at an upscale bar. He dies and Ford is convicted of manslaughter by sympathetic DA Broderick Crawford. In prison, Ford is partially corrupted by fellow inmates. Crawford becomes the new warden and recognizing that Ford has been railroaded gives him special privileges. Meanwhile the prisoners are after a rat who sabotaged their prison break. Another trustee commits murder in front of Ford, testing his loyalty to the men against his desire to do the right thing by Crawford. The characters and story never get beyond expected prison stereotypes and the ending is never in doubt. Ya!

Knock on Any Door (1949)

Directed by Nicholas Ray
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Late Bogie has him playing a reformed hoodlum turned lawyer who takes on hard luck case of teen John Derek on trial for murder. In his opening statement to the jury, Bogie spins the tale of Derek's life, leading to a prolonged flashback that takes up most of the film. It's a rather stereotypical story of life in the New York slums, occasionally endearing but mostly predictable, with Derek turning to crime. The love story between Derek and angelic Allene Roberts is both tiresome and melodramatic. Bogie the lawyer finally returns towards the end, giving a long, moving speech about mercy, justice and society's responsibilities.

Ah, Wilderness! (1935)

Directed by Clarence Brown
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Turn-of-the century Americana centered around recent high school graduate Eric Linden, whose unconventional thinking puts him at odds with his conventional girlfriend, small-town closed-mindedness and overbearing family. Linden's performance, though endearing, is forced, at times resembling a Jimmy Stewart impersonation. In fact, one can't help but wonder what Stewart would have done with this part given the chance. Anyway, Linden waxes poetic in dreams of fancy, quoting Swinden or other favorite authors, which go over the head of everyone else. He breaks up with his girlfriend, gets drunk and ends up with a floozy. He sobers up and regrets it, of course, but has to explain it to his girlfriend and shocked family. Lionel Barrymore is the father and Wallace Beery is excellent as the drunk uncle, including a hilarious scene where he tries to act sober at the dinner table. It's very good, but could have been better.

The Broken Star (1956)

Directed by Lesley Selander
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Encore)

Howard Duff is the crooked deputy who uses his position to murder a Mexican and steal his gold. His best friend and fellow deputy Bill Williams is charged to investigate the killing, refusing to believe his eyes when the clues point to Duff. In fact, this is more of a mystery with a western setting than a pure western. An old Indian is a key eyewitness. Lita Baron sings "I Hate You" while wielding a mean whip. Duff is just too dull to carry this rather lackluster film.

Captain Scarface (1953)

Directed by Paul Guilfoyle
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Low budget, minor film with Barton MacLane as a Russian spy posing as the captain of a ship carrying an atom bomb to the Panama Canal. An American posing as a Russian, Lief Erickson, has suspicions about what is really going on and has a plan to stop them. MacLane's accent is as ridiculous as the communist paranoia. It's all talk, talk, talk...not even a nuclear explosion.

Lucky Cisco Kid (1940)

Directed by H. Bruce Humberstone
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

Romero's third appearance as the Mexican outlaw who seduces every woman and returns stolen bank money, with a cut for himself of course. He's got to clear his name from another bandit who is using it and robbing stage coaches. Chris-Pin Martin provides comic relief as his sidekick Gordito. Screen debut for Dana Andrews as the Cavalry officer in pursuit of Cisco who also must try to keep him away from his girlfriend, with no luck.

Calamity Jane and Sam Bass (1949)

Directed by George Sherman
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Encore)

Howard Duff is Sam Bass, a simpleton who whispers to horses and is irresistible to women. He arrives in Texas with the dream of becoming a cattle man. However, he uses his horse skills to bet on a horse race. Although he wins, it sends him down a path to become an outlaw. He's mostly a victim of his own stupidity and bad luck, but still it is hard to garner much sympathy for the man. He's got two women in love with him and each tries to win him over and change his ways, with no luck. Yvonne De Carlo looks great as usual, but she is miscast as Calamity Jane, which is simply beyond her range.

Four Guns to the Border (1954)

Directed by Richard Carlson
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Encore)

Rory Calhoun heads a group of gunslingers hiding out near the Mexican border. They befriend Walter Brennan and his teenage daughter, but Calhoun can't keep his hands off the girl. The film stoops to a couple of exploitative wet shirt scenes featuring Nina Foch. The gunslingers decide to rob the bank in the nearby town and then head across the border. Gunslinger and girl meet again in a rather contrived happy ending.

The Fall (2006)

Directed by Tarsem Singh
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Starz)

Stunning location photography is the highlight of this international film, from the Taj Mahal in India to sacred sites in Bali, Italy and South America. Unfortunately, somebody forgot to give it a compelling story. There is a cute little kid in a Los Angeles hospital, nursing a broken arm she got while picking oranges on the local immigrant farm. Also in the hospital is Lee Pace, a suicidal stunt man in the early days of Hollywood. They strike up an unusual friendship. She shows up at his bed and he spins a story about a group of men seeking revenge on a cruel dictator. The story is made up of characters refashioned from the hospital environment. Since it's more or less made up as it goes along, it's often a free-form, confusing narrative. Eventually Roy, the storyteller, convinces the girl to steal some morphine so he can commit suicide. The story-within-a-story takes a similar turn for the violent and morose, until eventually the lines between fiction and reality blur.

He Rides Tall (1964)

Directed by R. G. Springsteen
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Encore)

Dull, downbeat western plays like a TV show, with broad caricatures of men that paint them as either good or evil and not much else. Tony Young is the Marshal of a dusty cattle town forced to shoot a mean cowboy in a bar. The cowboy just happens to be the son of the man that adopted him as a child. He breaks the news to the father, a cripple in a wheelchair, who does not take it well. Meanwhile, Dan Duryea, in a one-note performance, is a determined rustler who takes advantage of the situation. It all leads to the predictable shoot-out in a dark saloon.

West of Shanghai (1937)

Directed by John Farrow
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

This is essentially a "western" set in lawless China. A group of wealthy oil prospectors tangle with the Chinese military and local thug Boris Karloff in heavy make-up. Karloff plays a Hitler-like dictator, lusting after the women, stealing money and deciding who lives and dies. He gets his just reward in the end, just like the moviegoers of the time wish they could do to Hitler.

The Great Profile (1940)

Directed by Walter Lang
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

John Barrymore essentially plays himself, an aging Shakespearean actor forced to perform in an amateur play for the money and to save his marriage. His wife, an aspiring actress, agrees to play the lead, but she is terrible. At his wits end, Barrymore gets drunk between acts. He comes out and improvises the second act, bickering with his wife the whole time. It's and immediate success with the audience and critics alike. However, when Barrymore goes on the wagon he can't recreate the role leading to more problems. It's not laugh-out loud hilarious in the screwball comedy way, but still a lot of fun to watch Barrymore milk it for all it's worth.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009)

Directed by Terry Gilliam
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Starz)

Terry Gilliam borrows heavily from his past, particularly Baron Munchausen, in this dull computer generated mess. While working with Monty Python, Gilliam developed a distinctive style of animation that relied on stop-motion animated cut-outs. It is still a wonder to behold. Unfortunately, the conversion to modern computer-generated animation has stripped his work entirely of personality. If you've seen Baron Munchausen you can't help but wonder what this could have been, perhaps a sequel or extension of that wonderful movie. Instead, this movie relies on video-game style graphics, some horrible green-screen work and a chorus of policemen in drag.

The Viking (1928)

Directed by Roy William Neill
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Early Technicolor production follows Viking clan lead by Leif Ericsson as they travel from their native Norway to the New Land, with a stopover in Greenland. Striking beauty Pauline Starke plays the love interest, both for the English aristocrat turned slave and for Leif himself, leading to a fight between the two men which tests the new Christian faith of the Viking leader. It's all acted in that strained silent film style, but accompanied by a good music soundtrack and some dubbed singing. The Technicolor is mainly teal and orange, oddly enough the same color contrasts currently in vogue in mainstream American blockbusters.

In Love and War (1958)

Directed by Philip Dunne
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

Most of the running time is spent in San Francisco with a group of Marines during the days leading up to their deployment to the Pacific in WWII. It plays like a trashy soap opera, each man's story revolving around a girl. You've got the Sergeant who marries his girl after she tells him she's pregnant, then there is the rich Marine with a girlfriend who drinks too much and plays around so he has a one night stand, and finally there is Robert Wagner who spends most of the time drunk and obnoxious. All of this is supposed to let us get to know the characters before the inevitable war scenes. They are not all that bad, and make good use of stock footage, they are just too brief and frequently cut to the much less interesting domestic scenes and girlfriends.

Ride, Vaquero! (1953)

Directed by John Farrow
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Robert Taylor and Anthony Quinn play opposite each other as well as opposite types, Taylor the calm, plain-spoken cowboy and Quinn the emotional, hot-headed bandit. It's the south Texas border country after the Civil War and Quinn is burning out the homesteaders for fear they will move in on his territory. Taylor takes up with the gringos and falls in love with Ava Gardner, though she is married to homesteader and all-around nice guy Howard Keel. Their romance is mostly unspoken but nonetheless fuels the action. It all leads to the expected shoot-out between Taylor and Quinn in a deserted bar.

Christopher Columbus (1949)

Directed by David MacDonald
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

British Technicolor production follows Columbus from the courts of Spain to the islands of the Caribbean. In Spain, he must convince the Queen and a Royal Committee that the earth is round and that by sailing west he will actually end up east. The aristocrats are skeptical but Columbus has got the local clergy on his side who can't resist an opportunity to convert a new world of heathens and get some gold in the process. Columbus sails the ocean blue, overcoming a long voyage and mutinous crew. The islanders are friendly but naive, trading their gold for broken crockery. Greed gets the best of the Spaniards and Columbus is arrested and shipped back to Spain. Interesting if plodding account of the explorer that tends to play like one of those movies you are forced to watch for a school project. It doesn't help that the Technicolor on the TCM print is a brown, washed-out muck.

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Directed by Tim Burton
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Starz)

The familiar Alice in Wonderland story is Burtonized and Disneyfied via sterile computer graphics. The tired video game plot places Alice on a journey in which she must overcome a series of foes, leading to the Big Action Climax against the Jabberwocky, who speaks in a deep menacing voice. Johnny Depp is ridiculous as the Mad Hatter with cat eyes. His dance at the end is groan inducing and embarrassing. The soundtrack by Danny Elfman is as lifeless as it is pompous. See Jan Svankmajer's 1988 masterpiece Alice instead.

Tarzan's Three Challenges (1963)

Directed by Robert Day
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Jock Mahoney travels to Thailand to guide a boy through the jungle to assume his new role as holy leader. They face many trials along the way, pursued by a rival contender for the throne. The production utilizes many famous Buddhist shrines, including a cave full of golden statues. In fact, the film threatens to become a travelogue through Thailand at times. In the end, Tarzan must face one last test to save the boy, a showdown on a net suspended above urns of boiling water.

Never Take Candy from a Stranger (1960)

Directed by Cyril Frankel
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Sony)

One of the better non-horror Hammer productions that handles the delicate subject of a mentally ill old man preying on two young girls. It takes place in a small Canadian town, and the film has as much to say about the closed-mindedness of a small town as it does pedophilia. The town's powerful family hires a scummy lawyer to defend its patriarch, leading to a trial that manipulates the audience's sentimentality quite effectively. He's let go after it proves too much for the little girl on the witness stand. However, before they can leave town the man has one more frightening encounter with the girls.

Tampico (1944)

Directed by Lothar Mendes
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

Edward G. Robinson is the captain of a Gulf of Mexico oil tanker, dealing with German submarines and spies. He falls head over heels in love with Lynn Bari and marries her on a drunken night out. Soon after, his ship is torpedoed. Suspicion falls on his wife, but Robinson goes undercover to clear her name. A couple of big plot twists can be seen coming a mile away.

The Battle at Apache Pass (1952)

Directed by George Sherman
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Encore)

Remote Cavalry outpost in New Mexico deals with the last of the remaining Indians. The Cavalry commander is friendly with Cochise and live peacefully. A government man from back East arrives to exploit the Indians and drive them to a reservation. He makes a secret deal with bad Indian Geronimo, who attacks a wagon train and breaks the treaty. The Cavalry suddenly finds itself fighting the formerly friendly Indians, both mislead by the deception. They must learn to trust each other again to stop the fighting. It's not a bad little Universal-International color production, sympathetic to Indians and Cavalry alike.

The Prowler (1951)

Directed by Joseph Losey
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Van Heflin solidifies his stereotype as an amoral and selfish cop who takes advantage of gullible housewife Evelyn Keyes. He uses his position of authority to start a romance with her while her husband, an overnight disc jockey, is away at work. Keyes ultimately falls in love but Heflin is strictly after her money. He's got an elaborate plan to murder the husband so he can marry the widow and gain the inheritance. It does not go as planned and the finale takes place in a remote desert ghost town. Keyes overacts and the plot is barely believable, but it is entertaining.

American Guerrilla in the Philippines (1950)

Directed by Fritz Lang
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

This Fritz Lang tropical adventure story set on a remote Philippine island benefits from authentic locations but is really hurt by the amateur acting of some of the locals. In many ways this presages his Indian epic that would follow about 10 years later. Here, our hero is Tyrone Power, an American GI stranded by MacArthur with a rag tag group of soldiers. At first they don't do much of anything, but gradually start a resistance to the Japanese. The second half features several intriguing set pieces, a doomed radio station and a soldier dying from a bayonet wound for instance, but ultimately the film lacks a cohesive plot and is also hurt by unnecessary narration.

Le Silence de Lorna (2008)

Directed by Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Starz)

Lorna is an Albanian immigrant in Belgium who has entered a complex arrangement with a nasty taxi driver for monetary gain in not one but two sham marriages. The first is to a pathetic junkie which is to get her Belgian citizenship. They plan to murder him so she can remarry a rich Russian for a pile of money. The only problem is she starts to have feelings for the junkie, to the point of having sex with him. He gets murdered anyway, then she discovers she is pregnant while negotiating the second sham marriage. This is more or less an unpleasant soap opera populated with unpleasant people. I wish they could keep the camera still.