The Onion Field (1979)

Directed by Harold Becker

My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, MGM)

James Woods is a small time hood in LA, knocking off liquor stores for a living. He befriends a recently released thief and together they plan on more robberies. They get pulled over one night by unsuspecting cops Ted Danson and John Savage, and all of their lives are changed. One of the officers is killed, but the other gets away. The police quickly apprehend the two fugitives, but a long, drawn out court trial follows. The surviving police officer struggles with guilt, and it affects his job, marriage and sanity. The movie is filled with unpleasant imagery: at least two graphic suicide attempts, baby beating, homosexual acts in prison, scummy lawyers, etc. The message seems to be that the justice system is flawed, from the cops on the street who must follow orders of clueless brass to judges in the court who allow endless appeals and motions.

Angels with Dirty Faces (1938)

Warner Bros
Directed by Michael Curtiz
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Bros)

Cagney and Connolly grow up pals on the streets of New York, stealing tomatoes and tormenting little girls. Cagney ends up a career criminal while Connolly becomes a priest. Years later they compete for the respect of the Dead End Kids, a group of hoodlums much like their younger selves. In one great scene, the Dead End Kids play basketball, which resembles a Three Stooges football game more than basketball. Cagney eventually gets arrested after a shootout with the cops and is sent to the electric chair. In a final act of self-sacrifice he feigns cowardice to avoid becoming a martyr to the kids.

The Willow Tree (2005)

Directed by Majid Majidi

My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, New Yorker Films)

Majidi returns to the blind, this time from an adult perspective, compared to his earlier film Color of Paradise which dealt with a child's blindness. Youssef goes to Paris to receive treatment for a growing tumor, but instead receives a cornea transplant which restores his sight. Back home in Iran, he cannot accept his old life and things begin to fall apart. He is attracted to a younger woman which prompts his wife to leave him. He doesn't return to his old job at the university and burns all of his books. In a dramatic change of events he loses his sight again and ends up wandering aimlessly down a busy freeway. Majidi tends to let this one get away from him, relying on melodramatics and coincidence to advance the plot, and it is not his best work.

Escape from Fort Bravo (1953)

MGM
Directed by John Sturges
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Bros)

The Cavalry is holding Reb prisoners of war at a remote desert fort in Arizona. An escape plot is hatching among the prisoners, aided by the arrival of beautiful Eleanor Parker. She works on Captain Roper, played by William Holden, but of course ends up falling in love instead. A little too much time is spent on the various relationship dramas and the film seemed headed towards a mushy love story. However, a tense set piece that takes place in the last 30 minutes more than makes up for these shortcomings. A small group comprised of Holden, Parker, Rebs and Cavalry are pinned down by Indians in what amounts to a hole in the ground. They can't move, don't have horses, and the Indians are prepared to wait them out. It's a hopeless scenario, and only a few will make it out alive.

Survival Zone (1983)

Directed by Percival Rubens
My rating: BOMB
IMDb
(VHS, Prism Entertainment)

Post-nuke cannibalistic motorcycle gang terrorizes nice ranch family. Exploitation fare relies on over-the-top violence for its shocks: such as raping and killing nuns and a beheading. The story was weak and tired anyway, and the violence just sends it spiraling to VHS hell. My copy broke upon rewinding, so at least that's one out of circulation.

The Public Enemy (1931)

Directed by William A. Wellman

My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Bros)

James Cagney's breakout role as thug Tom Powers. The film chronicles his life from boy on the street through his rise to wealth during Prohibition in Chicago. The film suffers from a bit of early talkie creakiness, the story tends to crawl along and the acting is not always the best, but Cagney is so dynamic that it overcomes those shortcomings. The final scene, when he is left tied to a hospital stretcher in the doorway of his mother's house, is a knockout.

Dark City (1998)

Directed by Alex Proyas

My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, New Line Cinema)

Rufus Sewell is John Murdoch, who wakes up one night in his bathtub without memories, but with the ability to mold reality with his mind. He wanders around a film noir city in perpetual darkness, in search of his identity. Jennifer Connelly is his wife, a part time lounge singer, sympathetic to his dilemma. William Hurt is a trench-coat detective, after him for a murder he may or may not have committed. Finally, Keifer Sutherland is his psychiatrist, who seems to possess the answers to it all. Basically, it takes an episode of Star Trek TNG, particularly the concept of the Cyborg shared collective, the setting of Blade Runner, and mixes it with an old episode of The Prisoner. Throw in a big, loud CGI climax where the opponents hurl "mind waves" at each other, and it's a derivative, if handsome, mess.

The Color of Paradise (1999)

Directed by Majid Majidi

My rating: 3.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Sony Pictures Classics)

Majidi's beautiful film is about a blind boy, his father and his grandmother, all struggling to cope with his handicap. Majidi has a master's touch, he is able to bring us into the world of the blind by using sound and texture. Then there is the father, who believes he has been cursed by God for giving him a blind son and many other reasons. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and when tragedy finally strikes the theme of God returns, specifically in the rather contrived ending, which was the only real fault I could find in the film.

Little Caesar (1931)

Directed by Mervyn LeRoy

My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Bros)

The defining role for Edward G. Robinson, as the ambitious young thug Rico with a fatal personality flaw. Rico enthusiastically joins a local gang for money and fame, he buys 10 copies when his picture is in the newspaper. Before long he realizes he can take over the gang from his aging and lethargic boss. When he visits the mob leader of the entire city, he's dazzled by the house, a painting and the gold desk, and once again his ambition gets the best of him. Eventually he becomes a target and ends up back on the street. This very early gangster film suffers from stilted dialogue and delivery, a hangover from the silent era, but otherwise is a genre-defining powerhouse.

Bye Bye Brasil (1979)

Directed by Carlos Diegues

My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, New Yorker Films)

A small sideshow travels around Brasil, finding a country hooked on TV, radio and ennui. There is also a love quadrangle among the main players: Lord Cigano and Salome, the world's greatest Rumba dancer, are one couple, and an accordionist and his pregnant wife the other. They freely exchange partners, until one night they lose everything in a bad bet. They make their way to the big city and force the girls into prostitution to make money. A thinly veiled critique on the loss of Brasilian culture in the modern world.

The Cub Tiger from Kwang Tung (1971)

Directed by Wei Hai Feng
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, BCI/Rarescope)

Teenager Jackie Chan works in his uncle's restaurant by day and trains under a kung-fu master in his spare time. Some local thugs try to muscle their way into the restaurant as well as the waterfront trade. Chan fights with them, but is chastised by his master who punishes him for using martial arts to fight. When the thugs refuse to go away, Chan must decide if it is worth it to go against the wishes of his teacher. Chan's fighting style is a little flamboyant: high kicks, flips, etc that tend to waste energy, but an interesting look at his formative years. The Rarescope version appears to be the original, as there are no flashbacks or "replacement actors" that are mentioned in reviews of "Master with Cracked Fingers". It is not dubbed, but the subtitle situation is a mess: sometimes we are left to read the barely legible burned ones, but occasionally BCI adds much better ones. It's widescreen, of course, but a washed out, battered and fuzzy print that looks like it played in a grindhouse 3 times a day for 10 years.

The Cyclist (1987)

Directed by Mohsen Makhmalbaf

My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Image Entertainment)

Nasim is an Afghan refugee in Iran. He is penniless, so when his wife takes ill and ends up in the hospital he is desperate for money. An Iranian swindler convinces him to put on a public circus, charging money for people to watch him ride a bike in a circle for 7 days straight. Huge bets are made on its outcome. When it looks like he is going to make it, several attempts are made to see that he doesn't. Iranian director Makhmalbaf borrows heavily from the palette of Fellini, with a flair for unusual faces and the surreal, circus-like atmosphere, but also with a poignant story of the desperation of the poor.

Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze (1975)

Directed by Michael Anderson

My rating: BOMB
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Dreadful attempt at satire on the pulp hero genre. Ron Ely is Doc Savage, a combination of brawn and brains, who along with his group of henchman set off to some South American country to find out why his father was killed. The dialogue is stilted, the special effects are as cheap as they come and the story is an incomprehensible mess. Does not even qualify for "so bad it's good" enjoyment.

Reckless (1984)

Directed by James Foley
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Aidan Quinn is the stereotypical high school loner/rebel, he wears black leather and drives a motorcycle. He falls in love with cheerleader Daryl Hannah, who lets him have his way with her when they break into the high school one night. In one scene, Quinn changes the music at the prom to a new wave song by Romeo Void and breaks into frenetic dancing with Hannah as the camera swirls around them. It is hands down the best prom dance scene ever put on film. Well, Hannah's jock boyfriend is not too happy with these developments which leads to the inevitable "big fight" at the climax.

Shane (1953)

Paramount
Directed by George Stevens
My rating: 4 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Paramount)

Stunning location photography anchors this classic western, one of the best in the genre. Alan Ladd is the gunslinger who hangs up his six shooter for a job on the homestead of Van Heflin, Jean Arthur and their boy Joey. The homesteaders are being harassed by a local gang who hang out at the saloon in town, intent on driving them away by intimidation and threats. When that doesn't work they hire gunslinger Wilson (Jack Palance), who wears black, has two guns in his holster and is a fast draw. The tension builds until the inevitable showdown between Shane and Wilson. There are numerous classic scenes, including one of the best bar fights ever put on film and of course the final shootout.

Rebels of the Neon God (1992)

Directed by Tsai Ming-Liang

My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Wellspring)

Depressing if insightful story of alienated youth living in the urban jungle of Taipei. They spend most of their time playing video games in arcades or riding around town on their motor scooters. They occasionally hook up for sex in grungy, run down hotels. The story focuses on two teenage boys, one living at home and going to school and the other living aimlessly in an apartment prone to flooding. One starts a relationship with a girl at the local rollerskating rink, and the other one secretly follows them around for no apparent reason. Their empty lives reflect the urban landscape of flashing neon, the dehumanizing impact of overcrowding and endless rain.

Die Dritte Generation (1979)

Directed by Rainer Werner Fassbinder

My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Wellspring)

Cryptic Fassbinder piece about a terrorist cell in Berlin. The members are more or less ordinary citizens who for some reason decide to become terrorists. They spend most of their time bickering among themselves and having sex. They don disguises towards the end, apparently at Carnival time in Berlin, and some of them meet random, violent deaths. The soundtrack is a constant stream of conversation from an ever present television that plays through the entire film and is quite distracting. Ridiculous, obscene quotes from Berlin urinals start each "chapter".

Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure (1977)

Directed by Richard Williams

My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(VHS, CBS Video)

The set up is similar to Toy Story: whenever a live-action little girl leaves her playroom her toys come to life in animation. They find a box one day which contains a French doll as a birthday present. A Captain who lives in a bowl falls in love and kidnaps her. Raggedy Ann and her brother Andy pursue them in the "outside world". They have a series of strange adventures along with new friend the Camel with the Wrinkled Knees, a sad, abandoned toy who has visions of caravans calling him away. They fall into a taffy pit inhabited by the gooey monster The Greedy, then end up in Loonie Land ruled by the evil King Koo Koo. It's an odd mixture of Broadway style songs and acid-trip visuals, which probably would have been better to choose one over the other and run with it. In desperate need of restoration, the full frame VHS tape is cramped and obviously missing information on the sides.

The Wrath of Daimajin (1966)

Directed by Kazuo Mori
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, ADV Films)

Third and final entry of the un-jolly green giant samurai. This time he is called upon by a female worshiper to save a village under attack by a rival clan. He rises from a lake and proceeds to do a Moses-style parting of the seas. As usual, he causes earthquakes, wind and stomps on people.

Desk Set (1957)

Directed by Walter Lang

My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, 20th Century Fox)

Spencer Tracy goes undercover in a television reference department in order to install an "electronic brain" to replace it. Along the way, he tangles with office head Katharine Hepburn. A Tracy-Hepburn vehicle is never boring, and the usual sparks fly as they reluctantly fall in love. The film also has some interesting insights to the modern dilemma of computers vs people, probably even more of a problem today than when this film was made. At one point a computer mistakenly fires everyone in the building, and Hepburn asks "are they going to replace the mail man with an electronic brain too?"!

Return of Daimajin (1966)

Directed by Kenji Misumi
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, ADV Films)

The un-jolly green giant is awakened again, this time by a group of children who need his help to free their fathers from slavery. Most of the film follows the 4 kids as they journey over the perilous mountain of Majin: crossing deep gorges, pursued by Samurai (and outwitting them), building a barge for a trip down the river, etc. Daimajin only appears at the end, stomping a village to bits in blowing snow.

Warum Läuft Herr R. Amok? (1970)

Directed by Rainer Werner Fassbinder and Michael Fengler

My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Fantoma)

Early Fassbinder is a crude and simplistic exploration of lower middle class German life. Since we already know from the title that Kurt Raab will "run amok", we are left looking for clues throughout the film. His wife doesn't have a job yet nags him for money and brags about a promotion he has not yet received. They reminisce about their first date yet seem to have no physical affection for one another. He doesn't like her friends and she doesn't like his. His boss criticizes his work and yells at him for being on the phone too long. His young son is having problems with math and speech. An old school chum comes over and they sing a melancholy song. His son reads from a book about the freedom of an eagle. When he does finally run amok it's actually kind of funny.

Quilombo (1984)

Directed by Carlos Diegues

My rating: 3.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, New Yorker Films)

Slaves in Brazil revolt against their brutal masters and establish a Utopian society in the mountains. Over the course of many generations, they withstand numerous attacks from outsiders but manage to keep the village intact. In the end, cannons are used against their spears and guns leading to catastrophe. The film occasionally takes on a dreamlike quality, and there is a theatrical, almost surreal, use of color. The violence is often startling, veering into exploitation at times. The soundtrack is an excellent mix of tribal rhythms and modern Brazilian pop.

Daimajin (1966)

Directed by Kimiyoshi Yasuda

My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, ADV Films)

A rebellion in a Japanese village sends 2 small royal children into exile. They are hidden on a mountaintop near the giant statue of their god. After many years, they return to the village seeking revenge. The call upon the giant statue to help, who with the sweep of its hand comes to life. He's got green skin and a permanent angry scowl, sort of an angry green giant samurai. He causes earthquakes, damaging wind and stomps on people. It's a character driven story where the monster does not appear until the finale.

For Ever Mozart (1996)

Directed by Jean-Luc Godard
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, New Yorker Films)

At one point in the film a character, maybe a film director, says that he "likes cinema with the absence of explanation". Godard delivers with For Ever Mozart. The threadbare plot line is about a group of young people who go to Sarajevo to put on a play. They talk about philosophy, cinema and war. There are numerous tangents involving unrelated characters. It's shot on cold, gray, windy days.

Captain Nemo and the Underwater City (1969)

MGM
Directed by James Hill
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Robert Ryan is Captain Nemo, submarine captain and iron-clad ruler of his underwater city. He rescues a group of people from a sinking ship and forces them to live in the city. It's a Utopian society where machines make gold, drinks are free at the pub and nobody seems to go to work. Chuck Connors still doesn't like it there and steals a submarine to escape back to the real world of wars and greed. It's not golden age Jules Verne fantasy, but good enough to pass for Saturday afternoon matinee fare.

Naked (1993)

Directed by Mike Leigh

My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Criterion Collection)

Johnny drifts among the lowlife of London, part sex maniac and part philosopher. He looks up his old girlfriend, and after quickly seducing her roommate proceeds to talk his way in to staying. He gets bored and wanders around the dirtiest parts of London. The most interesting person he meets is a security guard, and they have a discussion on the Bible, Nostradamus, the past, present and future while strolling the empty hallways of a modern building at night. It's hard to like Johnny, a smooth talker, pretentious and with no respect for anyone least of all himself, and that's kind of how I felt about the film. I thought maybe it was going to turn out to be some kind of religious allegory, Johnny was God and perhaps the mysterious Jeremy G. Smart the Devil, but when they meet not very much happens.

Tarzan and the She-Devil (1953)

RKO Radio Pictures

Directed by Kurt Neumann
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

The story revolves around elephant poachers and their attempt to capture a large herd. When they can't convince Tarzan to help, he is taken prisoner. Tarzan spends most of the movie held captive by bad man Raymond Burr. As a result, it's lacking the usual quota of action for a Tarzan flick.

Moolaadé (2004)

Directed by Ousmane Sembene

My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, New Yorker Films)

A woman stands up to the cruel tradition of female circumcision in her small African village. She uses a tactic called Moolaade, which is sort of an African version of sanctuary, to protect 4 small girls about to be subjected to the knife. The men of the village will have nothing of it, and bully her husband into publicly flogging her to break the spell of Moolaade. All that does is maker her a martyr. A well-produced film that feels slightly manufactured to appeal to global audiences. At times the dialogue seems over-rehearsed, even through the barrier of subtitles.

Ulysses (1954)

Directed by Mario Camerini

My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Lionsgate)

Kirk Douglas is our hero, sent off to war but doomed to wander the seas for 10 years before returning to his beloved Penelope. The wandering part is the most interesting, incorporating fantasy elements into its rigid dramatics. The sequence in the cave of the cyclops was the best. The giant beast traps Ulysses and his men and intends to eat them, but they have a clever plan to escape. The seamen get past the Sirens by stuffing wax in their ears, but end up on the island of Circe where Ulysses falls under her spell. It's all great Saturday matinee fun, with some of the worst dubbing ever put on film.

Wrestling Ernest Hemingway (1993)

Warner Bros.
Directed by Randa Haines
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

An example of a good idea and great acting ruined by "Hollywood-ization". Robert Duvall is almost unrecognizable he is so deep into character as the aging Cuban barber Walt. Richard Harris is the free-spirited ex-sailor who befriends him, and tries to get him out of his routine. Walt teaches him some things along the way, too. It's all accompanied by swelling violins at just the right moments, gratuitous male nudity, embarrassing male bonding scenes, a cute Sandra Bullock and did I mention the numerous nude scenes of Richard Harris? A predictable ending sucked all the life out of what should have been a very good film.

The Manipulator (1971)

Directed by Yabo Yablonsky

My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(VHS, Vestron Video)

A filmed experimental theater piece starring Mickey Rooney. He's got Luana Anders tied to a chair in a storage loft filled with costumes and lighting rigs. He goes through various disguises, but mostly wears a fake nose and quotes Cyrano de Bergerac. His long monologues explore his past as a makeup man, his delusions about stardom and his obsession with women. As with many experimental films, it's mostly forced, self-conscious and pretentious, but there is the occasional intriguing idea or disturbing image. One scene has Mickey surrounded by groupies and repeating "love" over and over in slow motion. Another has Luana running through hanging beef in cold storage, with a chamber orchestra waiting inside, also in slow motion. Keenan Wynn makes a brief appearance as a drunk. Electronic soundtrack by Gil Melle is moody in a Logan's Run kind of way, but not his best.

Rue Cases Nègres (1983)

Directed by Euzhan Palcy

My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, New Yorker Films)

On the Caribbean island of Martinique slaves live in shacks and cut sugar cane for their white owners. A boy and his grandmother are determined to break the cycle. The boy has an unusual intellect, with a particular gift for writing, which is his ticket to a school in the big city. His grandmother is stern but loving, willing to sacrifice anything so that he does not have to live a life as a slave. An enjoyable, laid-back film with a somewhat episodic and predictable plot.

Heremakono (2002)

Directed by Abderrahmane Sissako

My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, New Yorker Films)

Set on the desert seaside of Mauritania, this is a slow, contemplative film about several young men with not much to do. Abdallah wears western clothes and spends most of his time in a barren room with his mother, staring out of a small window. He is slowly learning the local dialect and has awkward moments with women. More interesting are Khatra and Maata, an older man and young boy who are the town "electricians". This consists of stringing a single wire and one light bulb into a house. They are mystified when it doesn't work. Otherwise, we get occasional glimpses of local life, some singing, some dancing and some tea-drinking. There is a recurring image of large ships offshore and the graveyard of rusting ships, in striking contrast to the simple life of the native people.

Made in Heaven (1987)

Lorimar Pictures

Directed by Alan Rudolph
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

A movie that takes the romantic notion of a "match made in heaven" and literalizes it. Timothy Hutton dies while saving a family drowning in a sinking car. In heaven, he meets a young girl who is a "guide", apparently born in heaven. They fall in love and have steamy sex. Yes there is sex in heaven. It also turns out that people go back to Earth, so this is really a Buddhist heaven not a Christian heaven. Well his heavenly girlfriend is chosen to return, and he makes a bargain with someone named Emmett Humbird who runs things in heaven. Emmett is really Debra Winger in drag. He/she chain smokes, drinks, wears bad suits and has red-dyed hair. He says he is not God, but I thought maybe he was the Devil. So Timothy gets to be reincarnated and we are thrust back to Earth to watch the two grow up in the turbulent 60s. The film takes a dramatic change of tone as Hutton becomes a pseudo-beatnik and musician while his old heavenly girlfriend marries a filmmaker. They have several close-calls but never meet. There are excessive cameos by famous musicians including Neil Young, Tom Petty and Ric Ocasek. They start to have flashbacks of their time in heaven, even Emmett/Debra Winger appears to Hutton. In a sublimely ridiculous ending they are walking down a crowded city sidewalk and mysteriously sense each other, meet face-to-face and instantly fall in love. A movie that is very entertaining for all the wrong reasons.

Smith! (1969)

Walt Disney
Directed by Michael O'Herlihy
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Walt Disney)

Smith is an easy-going rancher with a soft heart for Indians. When a young Indian is accused of murder, he goes beyond the call of duty to defend him. The characterizations by a group of old pros like Glenn Ford, Nancy Olson and Keenan Wynn are broad: there is the local corrupt sheriff, the lovable old rancher and his ornery wife. It all ends up in a long-winded court trial. The highlight is the testimony by old Chief Dan George, who instead of telling the facts of the case gives an allegorical story about self-defense.

The Last Bolshevik (1993)

Directed by Chris Marker

My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Icarus Films)

Chris Marker's documentary on Russian filmmaker Aleksandr Medvedkin is probably best appreciated by film students or Russian historians. I'm neither, so my reaction was not too enthusiastic. Marker embellishes the documentary with his trademark video manipulation, to the point where it becomes debatable if this is a film about Medvedkin or Marker. At one point, we are treated with an "entr'acte" shot on home video of Marker's cat stretched out on a keyboard while piano music plays. I'm sure it was some appropriate period Russian piece. This goes on for a couple of hours, and while I had some knowledge of Russian film beforehand, I did pick up some interesting tidbits. I just wish Marker would get out of the way of his own subject matter.

Van Gogh (1991)

Directed by Maurice Pialat

My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Sony)

Long, talky account of the last days of Van Gogh, set mainly in an idyllic small French village. As one character put it, Van Gogh may be a great painter but he is a loathsome man. His last days are spent seducing a girl half his age, going to Paris to get sloshed, visiting prostitutes, getting the young girl drunk at a house of prostitution, fighting with his brother and trying to deal with the fact that no one appreciates his paintings. His response is to commit suicide.

The Kirlian Witness (1979)

Directed by Jonathan Sarno

My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(VHS, Magnum Entertainment)

When her sister is murdered on their rooftop in NYC, the only witness is a plant. Rilla researches the world of plant telepathy and Kirlian photography to unravel the identity of the murderer. She attaches a polygraph to the plant to see if it reacts to her husband or another possible suspect. In the end, she has visions of the murderer. Obviously far-fetched suspense film does benefit from a late 70s occult vibe.

Haute Tension (2003)

Directed by Alexandre Aja
My rating: BOMB
IMDb
(DVD, Lions Gate)

Derivative horror flick that, despite the title, has no tension, no characters, and no plot, it's barely a movie. There is a ridiculous twist towards the end that makes the rest of the film totally incomprehensible. It's stylishly shot and edited in garish green lighting and uses shaky cam. It borrows heavily, no steals, most obviously from Halloween and Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original). The killer, if he is the killer, is anonymous, indestructible and omniscient, in other words he is Jason Voorhees wearing a jumpsuit. There is a gimmick dream opening and the last scene is in an insane asylum. The worst film I've seen in years, which makes the critical praise all the more baffling.

So Fine (1981)

Warner Bros.

Directed by Andrew Bergman
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Ryan O'Neal is an English professor who accidentally discovers see-through jeans. Luckily his father runs a fashion company, so they are marketed and make millions. Meanwhile he starts an affair with the wife of local mobster Richard Kiel, the giant with steel teeth from that James Bond movie. Kiel stomps around and lifts heavy stuff, including cars and pinball machines. The finale takes place during a theater presentation of Shakespeare's Othello. It's not silly enough to be funny, misses every opportunity to mock the fashion industry and suffers from excessive product placement.

The Bermuda Depths (1978)

Directed by Tom Kotani

My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Magnus returns to his childhood home of Bermuda to find out why his father died. While sleeping on the beach, a girl emerges from the ocean and strokes his face. He wakes up and thinks he sees her swimming away. Eventually they become friends and lovers, but nobody else has ever seen her. There is a local legend about "Jennie Haniver", and whoever sees her will soon die. Well, Magnus starts working for graduate student and marine biologist Carl Weathers. They go out on his boat trying to find proof of giant creatures that are responsible for disappearances in the Bermuda Triangle. They find a giant turtle straight from a Godzilla movie. Apparently the turtle is some kind of spawn of Satan, as is his girlfriend Jennie, at least that is what is implied by their glowing eyes.

Goodbye South, Goodbye (1996)

Directed by Hou Hsiao Hsien

My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Fox Lorber)

Ambivalent story of small-time punks in Taiwan. They gamble, smoke, drink, smoke, gamble, fight, compare tattoos, smoke, etc. Hsi is the most mature of the bunch, trying to get his act together and run a legitimate restaurant. His younger brother and girlfriend, however, are incredibly immature and get him into constant trouble. You wonder why he bothers. The trio are sent south for some kind of illegal transaction involving pigs, and instead the young punk gets into trouble with the police. It's up to big brother to get him out of it, again. The ending makes no sense whatsoever. The director relies on long, slow takes, too many of which involve driving around Taiwan. Nice for sightseeing, but involving cinema it is not.

Coup de Torchon (1981)

Janus Films

Directed by Bertrand Tavernier
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Criterion Collection)

Uneasy mix of black comedy, philosophical musings and serial killing set in French colonial Africa. Philippe Noiret is the local police chief who is used as a doormat by everyone in town. When he kills a couple of local pimps on a whim, he can't shake the feeling and proceeds to kill anyone who rubs him the wrong way. His wife is sleeping with a live-in brute who nobody believes is her brother, while his mistress is married to a no-good bum. This quadrangle of relationships is the main focus of the narrative. Sure there are some quotable philosophical ramblings, at one point Noiret declares he is Jesus Christ sent to save the sinners, but really he is just upset that his wife is sleeping around. Noiret and Isabelle Huppert, who plays his mistress, tend to get in yelling matches when they want to emote, straight from the Michael Caine school of acting.

Trafic (1971)

Janus Films

Directed by Jacques Tati
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Criterion Collection)

Tati's M. Hulot goes on an absurd road trip from Paris to an automobile show in Amsterdam. He has designed a "camping car" for his company, which is half station wagon and half tent. The employees load up the car in a large truck and head out to Amsterdam. They never get there, but instead have numerous side tracks as the truck constantly breaks down, or they get in wrecks, get lost, etc. Meanwhile there are some antics at the auto show in Amsterdam as the bored employees deal with having nothing to show. Tati is an acquired taste, a gangly old man who wears his pants too short and garish socks, saying little if anything, part Jerry Lewis and part Benny Hill. As a director, his films are perfectly choreographed, reminiscent of the films of Robert Altman. A highway accident takes place in some strange half-time, cars spinning in place, bumping into each other at 5 mph, the passengers calmly getting out of their vehicles and stretching as if to make sure nothing is broken. If you look closely enough there are usually numerous things happening in the frame, not always the center of the action. However, as a comedy, this film got no laughs from me, so in that respect it was a failure, although it could be attributed to culture differences. It was nonetheless fascinating.

See You in the Morning (1989)

Lorimar Film

Directed by Alan J. Pakula
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Jeff Bridges divorces Farrah and Alice Krige is a widow. They are introduced at a party by mutual friend Linda Lavin. They get married and deal with their emotional baggage, children, in-laws, etc. Conveniently Bridges is a psychiatrist so we get psychological explanations for the situations that arise. The biggest problem I had was the overly-familiar cast: Drew Barrymore and Macaulay Culkin are two of the kids, all of the adults are instantly recognizable, even Theodore Bikel is in it. Most of these actors could not get beyond their stereotypes, with the notable exception of the two main leads.

Angus (1995)

New Line Cinema

Directed by Patrick Read Johnson
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Surprisingly good story of an overweight high school student dealing with bullies and a crush on an untouchable girl. His best friend is an entertaining Chris Owen, with a foul mouth and weak disposition. The jokes don't always work, and it can be too clever for its own good, but settles into a nice pace for the third act. Angus is voted king of the dance as a prank, and his queen is none other than the girl of his dreams. He can't dance, has never spoken a word to her and has yet another prank pulled on him at the dance, but overcomes everything for his "moment".

Death of a Centerfold: The Dorothy Stratten Story (1981)

Directed by Gabrielle Beaumont

My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

The Dorothy Stratten story is brought down to practically soap-opera level. You know you're in trouble when Robert Reed plays a post-Brady Bunch sleazy producer. The acting, in particular Jamie Lee Curtis, is inept. I know she was going for the naive teenager, but she is slightly too old for the role (23 at the time) playing the 18-year-old Stratten, particularly the early years. She gets a little more believable in the second half playing the 20-year-old Stratten. On the other hand, Bruce Weitz is over-the-top as the manipulative Snider, but at least it is in character.

Airborne (1993)

Warner Bros.

Directed by Rob Bowman
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Shane McDermott is the fish-out-of-water as a California surfer teen sent off to cold, snowy Cincinnati to live with his cousin Seth Green. Cincinnati teens are really into rollerblading, and he just happens to be an expert. Occasionally interesting photography, particularly point-of-view shots from the end of a surf board and rollerblading, can't make up for the reliance on teen stereotypes: jocks versus preps, a teen romance, bullying, the square parents, etc. The "big race" at the end completely loses any credibility when they race on roads with traffic. A good Stewart Copeland soundtrack is wasted.

The Dream Sword (1979)

Directed by Chao-Yung Li

My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Rarescope/ BCI Eclipse)

The Dream Sword is not actually a sword but a group of three men who want to unite a diverse group of clans. The leader has visions of "forms", martial arts moves which can defeat even the toughest opponent. His first student wields a wicked axe, and sees the forms while fighting. A stranger shows up and completes the threesome of the The Dream Sword. They set out to conquer the other clans. The story tends to drag at this point, with too much time spent on political infighting and various romances. It picks up again towards the end, including a memorable fight with a female clan leader who shoots deadly flowers out of her bouquet.