The White Gorilla (1945)

Directed by Harry L. Fraser
My rating: BOMB
IMDb
(DVD, VCI Entertainment)

Scenes from the old silent serial "Perils of the Jungle" are given music and sound effects and then edited into newly shot footage of some guys sitting around in a jungle hut. One of them tells a story in flashback of how he found a jungle boy who rode an elephant and who, with the help of a white woman acting crazy, ruled over a native tribe by operating arms inside a statue of a cyclops. Mostly though, there is tons and tons of footage of wild animals. Oh, and lets not forget the white gorilla, whose origin and purpose in this movie goes completely unexplained. Despite the fact that he fights with a black gorilla, I did not detect any racial undertones.

Strangers When We Meet (1960)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Richard Quine
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Columbia TriStar)

Architect Kirk Douglas begins an affair with pretty neighbor Kim Novak. They eventually fall in love and struggle to hide their feelings from others. His wife suspects something is up and throws a party, unwittingly inviting Novak. The truth comes out when sleazy neighbor Walter Matthau makes a pass. Engrossing melodrama finely acted by all, with realistic situations and an ending that is not pat. A bit dated now, but an interesting glimpse into the suburban LA lifestyles, fashion and architecture circa 1960.

The Great Northfield Minnesota Raid (1972)

Universal Pictures
Directed by Philip Kaufman
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Universal)

Cole Younger, Jesse James and the gang travel from Missouri to Minnesota to rob the biggest bank west of the Mississippi. Along the way, they kill, rob and maim as many people as possible. It's hard to root for a bunch of redneck racists from Missouri, but that is what the film asks us to do. The good people of Northfield, Swedish immigrants, are mostly helpless, but when pushed they do form a posse and eventually arrest or kill the gang members. The period detail is well-done, including turn-of-the-century machines such as a steam tractor, calliope and magic lantern, but the narrative rambles and tends to dwell on unimportant details, like a rambunctious baseball game.

Guys and Dolls (1955)

MGM
Directed by Joseph L. Mankiewicz
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, MGM)

Ambitious musical set in New York City about two ill-matched couples fails to generate any sparks. Couple number one is Frank Sinatra and Vivian Blaine: he's a no-good gambler and she's a Broadway showgirl. Vivian lives for the day Frank proposes to her, they've been engaged for 14 years. Couple number two is Marlon Brando and Jean Simmons: he's a no-good gambler and she's a prude for the Salvation Army. Marlon bets Frank that he can take Jean on a date, all the way to Cuba, which he does but under false pretenses. Once there, he get's her drunk on rum and milk, where she morphs into a wild Cuban dancer and singer. Yeah right. Back in New York, Sinatra and Brando get their gambling friends to attend a prayer meeting, but only by winning at craps. It has a happy ending.

The Bride and the Beast (1958)

Allied Artists
Directed by Adrian Weiss
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, VCI Entertainment)

This starts out with some classic Ed Wood. A newlywed couple spend their honeymoon in a mansion where the husband keeps his exotic animals. The gorilla in the basement gets loose and confronts the bride in their bedroom. He manages to rip her clothes off before being shot dead. She reveals under hypnosis that she was a gorilla in a past life, which explains why she likes to wear angora sweaters and the gorilla was attracted to her. Husband and wife take off to Africa to hunt and trap more animals. The movie takes a long detour for tiger hunting, overloaded with stock animal footage. The gorillas return for the ending, whisking away the bride for good. It's all told in flashback, but for the life of me I can't remember when the flashback started.

Desperate Characters (1971)

Paramount
Directed by Frank D. Gilroy
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Legend Films)

Shirley MacLaine lives a life of quiet desperation married to selfish intellectual Kenneth Mars. She listens to him constantly babble about his problems with a partner at work. She takes a midnight walk with his coworker but passes up on a chance for an affair. At a party, she meets an old lover, but again nothing happens. They decide to get away from it all and head off to their summer house in the country, but it has been broken into by vandals. An awkward sex scene follows, but it seems more like a rape scene. Shirley is bitten by a stray cat and worries about rabies the entire film. It's supposed to be symbolic of the diseased state of New York City. Shirley is good but her character never connects emotionally and the symbolism is weak.

Any Gun Can Play (1967)

Golden Eagle Films
Directed by Enzo G. Castellari
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, VCI Entertainment)

A bounty hunter who goes by the name "The Stranger" tangles with a gang who steals a gold shipment from a train. Our old friend Gilbert Roland, the Cisco Kid, is Monetero, the leader of the gang. Roland is up to his usual womanizing ways, just like when he played Cisco so many years before. The Stranger must decide if he wants the gold or the reward for their heads. A third man, a bank employee who helped pulled off the train heist, also wants a piece of the action. A typical spaghetti western, although the numerous fights are not well choreographed: the punches miss by a mile and they regrettably use trampolines for unrealistic acrobatic jumping effects.

On the Double (1961)

Paramount Pictures
Directed by Melville Shavelson
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Olive Films)

Danny Kaye plays an Army private with a gift for imitation. The British use him to impersonate an officer being threatened by Nazi spies. Kaye, a teetotaler with a host of allergies and other medical problems, takes over the personal life of a womanizing alcoholic. Later, he is kidnapped and brought to Berlin, where he is chased by clumsy Nazis. Kaye tries hard, but his romance with Dana Wynter is contrived, the Germans are stereotypes but worst of all it is simply not funny.

Sergeant Dead Head (1965)

American International Pictures
Directed by Norman Taurog
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, MGM Limited Edition Collection)

This is basically a beach movie set on an Air Force base, with Frankie Avalon in three roles. First, he is an accident-prone private who causes havoc on the base. He climbs aboard a rocket headed for orbit with a chimp. He comes back with a different personality, unfortunately an obnoxious playboy. Air Force brass decide to cover up the personality change by switching him with a lookalike. This other Frankie is shy and quiet. His pretty fiance, Deborah Walley, tries to sort it all out.

Hell Up in Harlem (1973)

American International Pictures
Directed by Larry Cohen
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, MGM)

In this sequel to Black Caesar, Fred Williamson is on a crusade to clear out the drug pushers in Harlem by killing them all, including the corrupt DA who lets them operate. When his father is murdered by a rival, the stage is set for their final shootout. The body count is excessive, more like a slasher film in the horror genre. There is little, if any, characterization of the victims: they appear, they die violently, then we move on to the next one; again similar to a horror movie where violence is driving the plot. It's probably no coincidence that the director, Larry Cohen, is best remembered today for his horror films, such as It's Alive, than for this foray into blaxploitation.

Las Vegas Hillbillys (1966)

Woolner Bros.
Directed by Arthur C. Pierce
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, VCI Entertainment)

Tennessee rednecks Ferlin Husky and Don Bowman inherit a rundown Las Vegas casino. They bring in some musician friends from Nashville to save it: Sonny James, Roy Drusky, Del Reeves, Bill Anderson, Connie Smith and others. Mamie Van Doren is the smart platinum blonde and Jayne Mansfield is the dumb one.

Torment (1944)

Janus Films
Directed by Alf Sjoberg
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Criterion Eclipse Series)

Students in an all-boy Swedish school are tormented by their Latin teacher. After classes, one of them falls in love with a local girl of ill-repute. It turns out she is having an affair with the teacher, leading to much melodrama. Ingmar Bergman's first screen credit, as writer, is a moody portrayal of teen angst, in particular when it comes up against authority figures. Enhanced greatly by the black-and-white cinematography of the prolific Martin Bodin, who uses shadows to great effect.

Man in the Wilderness (1971)

Warner Bros.
Directed by Richard C. Sarafian
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Bros.)

Richard Harris is attacked by a man in a bear suit and left for dead by a group of fur trappers in the wild country of 1820. His long fight for survival takes up most of the film. His wounds are so bad that he is barely conscious, but manages to drag himself to a nearby stream for water and eat a few crustaceans. Over time, he gains strength, and starts hunting animals with his handmade weapons. The animal killings, though necessary for his survival, are shown in gruesome detail, including an abhorrent scene of a real buffalo being eaten alive by wolves. We also witness a mountain lion hanging in a trap, deer and rabbits being shot and numerous bad spills by horses. As if to acknowledge this horrendous treatment of animals by the filmmakers, they have Harris adopt a bunny towards the end and nurse it back to health. Eventually, Harris makes his way out of the wilderness and stumbles on his old companions, who are being massacred by Indians. He doesn't help.

Howard the Duck (1986)

Universal Pictures
Directed by Willard Huyck
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Universal)

Howard, from an alternate Earth where ducks have evolved to be the dominant species, is transported to this Earth when a scientific experiment goes haywire. He lands in Cleveland, where he befriends punk rocker Lea Thompson. Luckily she is friends with one of the lab assistants that performed the experiment, so they try to reverse the process and get Howard home. Unfortunately one of the scientists becomes possessed by a demon who tries to take over the world. The film almost worked up to this point, but it turns into a special effects driven monstrosity and loses what little momentum it had built up in the first half.

The Boob Tube (1975)

Independent International Pictures
Directed by Christopher Odin
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(VHS, Video Gems)

Ostensibly a satire of daytime soap operas, complete with commercials, but really nothing more than a series of softcore sex scenes. Dr. Henry, a psychiatrist fresh from Michigan, moves into a southern California apartment building known as Whispering Palms. All of the women are soon knocking down his door. The title sequence may be the best part of the movie.

The Moon and Sixpence (1942)

United Artists
Directed by Albert Lewin
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, VCI Entertainment)

A wealthy 40-year-old Englishman leaves his wife and children and moves to Paris to take up painting. He lives as a bum in a garret, hangs out in cafes and insults people whenever given the chance. He soon grows bored, so takes off to Tahiti to get away from mankind. Instead, he marries a 15-year-old native and lives in a hut where he has hired help to harvest the coconut crop and do all the work around the house. He comes down with leprosy, goes blind and dies. Supposedly based on the life of Paul Gauguin, it doesn't do much to help the reputation of artists as out-of-touch snobs. The narrative structure of the film is awkward: the story is told via multiple flashbacks and narration.

3:10 to Yuma (1957)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Delmer Daves
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Columbia TriStar)

Glenn Ford is cast against type as the leader of a ruthless gang of outlaws. They hold up a stagecoach, kill the driver and steal a gold shipment. In the nearby town, they belly-up to the bar. Ford lingers to flirt with the pretty bartender and is arrested for the murder. A posse forms to catch the rest of the gang. Local rancher Van Heflin, who witnessed the hold up, is the best shot in town and is assigned to escort Ford to the nearest train station to stand trial. Ford and Heflin spend the rest of the movie in a psychological battle of wills. When the rest of the gang shows up, the posse bails on him and he must face them alone for the final trek to the train station. This may be one of the best examples of the "psychological western", with some striking black and white photography by cinematographer Charles Lawton.

Hong Kong Confidential (1958)

United Artists
Directed by Edward L. Cahn
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, MGM Limited Edition Collection)

The young prince of a fictional Middle East country is kidnapped. The CIA thinks the crime was carried out by "Commies" and orders its operatives to start a world wide search. Its Hong Kong agent is Gene Barry, working undercover as a lounge singer. He performs a couple of songs which are just hilariously awful. He concocts a way to smuggle gold into the country in the hopes of luring the bad guys. Miraculously it works and he teams up with a British agent to rescue the prince. A talky crime drama from low budget director Edward L. Cahn that is quite effective as an antidote to insomnia.

Zindy, the Swamp Boy (1973)

Directed by Rene Cardona, Jr.
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, VCI Entertainment)

Zindy, an orphan boy, lives in a forest with his grandfather. Through flashbacks, we learn the grandfather was once a doctor, but went on the run when he killed someone in self defense. The boy's past is a little more murky, but the flashback suggests his parents were murdered by the same man. Anyway, the two of them spend their time trapping animals, hunting a puma on the prowl, wrestling alligators in the river or hanging out with their pet chimp Toribio (credited as Chucho-Chucho). One day the old man doesn't follow his own advice and falls into quicksand and dies. He occasionally reappears to Zindy and gives him helpful advice, sort of like Obi Wan did for Luke in Star Wars. Later, a girl gets lost in the forest and lives with Zindy for awhile. His final showdown with the puma ends the film. Some scenes were shot on location in Mayan ruins in Guatemala. The English dubbing is atrocious and rarely matches the actor's lip movement.

Star! (1968)

Twentieth Century-Fox Film
Directed by Robert Wise
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Fox)

Julie Andrews plays a British actress who becomes consumed by her pursuit of fame. Her story is told in a long flashback, utilizing newsreels, some real and some fake, that place it in the broader context of British history in the early 20th century. The period detail is lovingly recreated and the production numbers often stunning in their lavishness. The problem here is a central character that comes across as cold, selfish and aloof. Her relationships fail, not for a lack of receiving love but for a lacking of giving it. She turns to alcohol or shopping for expensive jewelry to escape her woes, leading to financial ruin. In the end, it takes a man even colder than she is to find love, but by that time we really don't care.

Breakheart Pass (1975)

United Artists
Directed by Tom Gries
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, MGM)

Bronson is a wanted man arrested in a remote mountain town for cheating in a poker game. He is taken aboard a train bound for a military fort, along with a governor and the daughter of the fort commander. Supposedly the fort is in the midst of an epidemic and the train is carrying medical supplies. However, it's all just a set up, as just about every character turns out to be someone different and the train is really carrying guns and ammunition for Indians. Bronson is not a criminal but an undercover government agent. He single-handedly destroys the train, kills all of the bad guys and gets the girl. A fight between Bronson and boxing champ Archie Moore on top of the moving train is marred by use of an obvious stunt double for Bronson. The tired screenplay by Alistair MacLean relies on predictable plot twists, punctuated by explicit violence.

My Favorite Spy (1951)

Paramount Pictures
Directed by Norman Z. McLeod
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Olive Films)

Bob Hope is a vaudeville comedian opening for a burlesque act. He just happens to look exactly like a spy wanted by the government. He gets picked up by the police and handed over, where he is convinced to impersonate the spy and fly to Tangiers. There he barrages us with one liners and silly gags, like dressing as the back half of a camel in a nightclub act. Hedy Lamarr provides him with an outlet for his juvenile playboy tendencies. The final act has Bob hanging from a speeding fire truck ladder, an old silent movie gag. He makes liberal use of stunt doubles, not only for the fire truck, which is understandable, but throughout the movie, even for relatively simple physical comedy. There are no laughs at all, and it goes on forever.

The Dresser (1983)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Peter Yates
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Columbia TriStar)

An aging Shakespearean actor (Albert Finney) faces a performance of King Lear on a night when he is quite possibly losing his mind. Senility has set in and he can't remember the play, much less his lines, even though he has done it hundreds of times. His dresser (Tom Courtenay) must not only coax him to the theater, but somehow get him in make-up and on the stage. It is a tour-de-force performance by both leads. My only complaint is Courtenay's self-consciously effeminate character, who too frequently has silly temper tantrums when things don't go his way.

Rio Rita (1942)

MGM
Directed by S. Sylvan Simon
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Dull Abbott and Costello entry with the thinnest of plots: they end up at a south Texas dude ranch with Nazi spies. Gags for Lou include a spinning car on a lift, a talking dog and a giant washing machine. None of them are funny. The romantic subplot between Kathryn Grayson and John Carroll is tiresome, as are their songs, which include Grayson doing opera scales.

Foxy Brown (1974)

American International Pictures
Directed by Jack Hill
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, MGM)

Iconic blaxploitation flick with Pam Grier getting revenge on the drug dealers who killed her boyfriend and hooked her brother. Its got style, its got action, its got music by Willie Hutch, but its difficult to overlook the repulsive violence, the stereotypes and the poorly staged fights. The title sequence is one of the best from the 70s, and the trailer is pretty entertaining, but those might be all you need to see.

Red Alert (1977)

Paramount Pictures
Directed by William Hale
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(VHS, Paramount)

This TV movie has a saboteur planting bombs in a nuclear power plant. William Devane is a local detective in charge of finding them. Ralph Waite is a military type commander at a remote Colorado location who doesn't know when to ignore what his computer is telling him and deviate from the book. It's essentially a rehash of HAL from 2001, a computer run amok with the poor humans trying to stop it. Adrienne Barbeau is a distressed housewife. It's not bad for a TV movie.

The Jungle Boy (1956)

Directed by Norman A. Cerf
My rating: BOMB
IMDb
(DVD, VCI Entertainment)

This is really two movies. First, there is the story of a white doctor who treats a local boy for burns on his arms after he touches a "burning rock". The doctor suspects it is radioactive and calls his old friend in England for help in identifying it. Instead, he sends his female assistant, who somehow survives a plane crash on her way to India. Sabu brings her safely to the doctor, who promptly greets her with sexist remarks. Eventually they get some rock samples and his proposal to her ends the movie. However, the other movie, which takes up just as much screen time, is a documentary on elephant exploitation in India. Elephants are shown being captured, roped, chained and used as labor in the logging industry. I did not see any elephant hurt, but it is still depressing footage. The on-screen title is "The Jungle Boy", with a video title of "AKA Jungle Hell" added underneath the original title.There are no flying saucers in this film.

Savage Drums (1951)

Lippert Pictures
Directed by William Berke
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, VCI Entertainment)

Sabu becomes king of a Pacific island after his brother is assassinated on the mainland. He travels home to uncover the killer. He also fights "foreign invaders", really the Japanese, but after they are defeated he signs a treaty with the Americans and is shown standing side-by-side with a friendly Navy officer in the final shot. Even though WWII was long over by 1951, there was still a need for propaganda to justify atomic war testing in Pacific islands such as the fictional one where this movie takes place.

Don't Touch the White Woman (1974)

Directed by Marco Ferreri
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Image Entertainment)

General Custer is ordered to kill Indians by President Nixon. The Indians are portrayed as savages who have no right to their land in the eyes of God. Sitting Bull stalls for time by letting "the fool" argue the Indian side. Custer wastes time by romancing Catherine Deneuve, the cultured "white woman" of the title. It all takes place in a construction pit in modern-day Paris. The purpose of the anachronistic setting is only mentioned in a passing reference to Algerian immigrants. It's talky and pretentious, but it's greatest sin is that it is just plain boring.

No Orchids for Miss Blandish (1948)

Renown Pictures
Directed by St. John L. Clowes
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, VCI Entertainment)

A diamond theft turns into murder and kidnapping when members of the Grisson gang get involved. The victim turns out to be the love interest of Slim Grisson, who along with his mother "Ma" Grisson, run the gang. He returns the stolen jewelry to throw off the police, but the girl lives with him anonymously in his posh nightclub. She convinces him to go straight and they plan to run off together, but the gang has different ideas. Set in New York though filmed in England, which explains why most of the locals have British accents. It relies too much on stereotypes for its characterizations, and emphasizes the romance between the leads, but an entertaining diversion nonetheless.

Born Innocent (1974)

Directed by Donald Wrye
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, VCI Entertainment)

A classic TV movie from the 1970s with Linda Blair a teenage runaway sent to a girl's reform school. She is quiet and withdrawn, making her a target for the bullies. One day she is sexually assaulted in the shower, a controversial scene once cut but now restored to the DVD release. It's no big deal compared to what is shown in modern films. Afterwards, Linda tries to escape but is caught and put in isolation. Later she goes home for a few days, where dad slaps her around and mom ignores it. Back at the reform school, she befriends a pregnant girl, leading to more complications. It occasionally hits some emotional notes, but succumbs to melodrama in the final act.

Paradise Lagoon (1957)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Lewis Gilbert
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Sony Screen Classics by Request)

Kenneth More is the butler in a typical British aristocratic household at the turn of the century. The women's suffragette movement gives the aging master of the house the idea that the servants should be treated equally. He invites them all to a tea party, but their roles are so ingrained that it fails. He takes some of them on a cruise to the South Seas, where they are shipwrecked on a desert island. It quickly becomes apparent that only the butler is equipped to survive, the rest are just pathetic. Flash forward two years and roles are now reversed. The butler has become "the guv", king of the island, where his former employers wait on him hand and foot and do everything possible to please him. He proposes to the daughter, something which would have been unthinkable in their former life. Just in the nick of time a ship arrives to save them. Back in England, they return to their former roles for awhile, but the experience has changed them and it doesn't last. It can be juvenile at times, and the premise is a stretch, but the satirization of traditional British mores and manners makes it worthwhile viewing.

Bright Eyes (1934)

Fox Film
Directed by David Butler
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Fox)

A ridiculously cute Shirley Temple hangs out with aviators at the airport while mom is a servant for some rich snobs. On Christmas Day, mom gets run over by a car, leaving Shirley an orphan. Flyer James Dunn wants to adopt her, but so does a wheelchair-bound uncle of the rich family she befriended. They hash it out in court. Shirley sings "On the Good Ship Lollipop", now a cliche for curly-topped kids aspiring for stardom. 

Cloudburst (1951)

United Artists
Directed by  Francis Searle
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, MGM Limited Edition Collection)

Robert Preston is a code breaker for British intelligence. One night his wife is run down on a country road by a criminal couple. He becomes obsessed with finding them and getting revenge. This leads to a battle of wills with Scotland Yard inspector Colin Tapley. Preston denies involvement despite the fact that they both know he is the murderer. The inspector tries to protect the girl Preston wants to kill, but he uses his military training to outwit him. An intelligent script that never talks down to the audience, sympathetic characters and fine acting make this Hammer Film production a winner.

Breaking Away (1979)

Twentieth Century-Fox Film
Directed by Peter Yates
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Fox)

Dennis Christopher is an Indiana bicyclist fresh out of high school who idolizes Italian racers to the point of becoming Italian himself: he speaks Italian, listens to opera and romances a college girl using his fake persona. When the real Italians show up for a race, they win by cheating, crushing his loyalty. Later, he gets another chance in a race, this time representing the locals against their arch enemies: college frat boys. The ending should come as no surprise. And that is my chief complaint with this film: predictability in the screenplay. It also frequently relies on directorial cliches: the burst of music crossing the finish line, or the scene where Christopher is trying to keep up with a semi truck on the Interstate, suddenly popping into view in the rear view mirror; I knew both things were going to happen well in advance. Nonetheless, it's a genial, feel-good movie that is impossible not to like.

Papa's Delicate Condition (1963)

Paramount Pictures
Directed by George Marshall
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Legend Films)

Unmemorable story of a couple struggling with their marriage in a turn-of-the-century American town. Jackie Gleason is the husband with a drinking, and spending problem. When his daughter sees a pony and cart in a parade, he buys the whole circus to make her happy. When the boyfriend of his older daughter has problems with his boss, he buy's the whole drugstore. Since he works for the railroad, I'm not sure where he gets all the money to toss around. The relationship between Gleason and his wife (Glynis Johns, in a cold performance) is superficial at best, not at all explored by the story. Even the period atmosphere looks exactly like what it is: a dressed up studio set. Gleason gets to say his signature line at least three times: "How sweet it is!", but it seems out of place in this movie.

The Monkey Hu$tle (1976)

American International Pictures
Directed by Arthur Marks
My rating: BOMB
IMDb
(DVD, MGM)

Yaphet Kotto enlists the help of Chicago street teens for his small time hot merchandise ring. They drive around in his shag carpet interior pickup truck delivering goods and pulling scams. Some older teens, also musicians, get involved to raise cash to replace their stolen instruments. They all get together and hold a block party to stop the man from bulldozing their neighborhood for a freeway. Razor thin plot is really an excuse for teen sex, roller skating, teen sex, Rudy Ray Moore, teen sex, etc.

The Falcon's Brother (1942)

RKO Radio Pictures
Directed by Stanley Logan
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

The Falcon goes to meet his brother who has just crossed the ocean by ship but instead finds the police and a dead body in his cabin. It turns out not to be his brother, but he doesn't tell the police until later. He goes in search of the murderer, with plenty of diversions for the ladies, which ultimately leads to German spies. The Falcon disappears for long stretches of the film so that his brother, both in the film and real life, can take over the investigation. Unfortunately, his brother is also a skirt chaser and spends too much time trying to pick up women, a character trait that has marred every single entry of this series.

The Projectionist (1971)

Maron Films
Directed by Harry Hurwitz
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Image Entertainment)

A mild-mannered film projectionist (Chuck McCann) escapes his humdrum life through fantasies where he is "Captain Flash". He captures criminals, kills monsters and always gets the girl. In other daydreams, he becomes part of the famous movies which he idolizes. These scenes are contrasted with documentary-like footage of McCann walking around the streets of New York City at night, most notably the old "Great White Way" of movie marquees on 42nd Street, as well as going to work at a movie palace. The movie playing, by the way, is the same film we are watching, leading to an interesting ending where McCann the projectionist is watching himself on the big screen. The film heavily utilizes and manipulates footage from old Flash Gordon serials, silent epics, Nazi footage with Adolph Hitler, Casablanca and many more movies  which I recognized but could not always identify. In this respect, classic film buffs are going to enjoy this more than the average viewer.

The Saragossa Manuscript (1965)

Directed by Wojciech Has
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Image Entertainment)

In medieval Spain, a soldier is haunted by two beautiful women, the ghosts of hanged men he was unfortunate enough to stumble on while riding across the countryside. They seduce and torment him, then send him on his way, but because of a potion he drinks they continue to appear in his dreams. He is pursued by the Inquisition and takes refuge in the castle of a stranger. Here, a story is told, which leads to other stories, and so on, until the plot reaches absurd levels of stories-within-stories (I lost count at around 6 levels). The narrative revolves around Spanish gentlemen and their pursuit of women, all the while having endless duels. This second half of the movie is excruciatingly long and boring. This is very disappointing, since the first part, with it's darker themes of death, surrealistic atmosphere and faster pacing, was quite promising.

Mule Feathers (1977)

Directed by Donald R. von Mizener
My rating: BOMB
IMDb
(DVD, VCI Entertainment)

A very silly movie narrated by Don Knotts as a mule. His owner is Rory Calhoun, a bank robber disguised as a preacher. In a typical western town, Calhoun plots to rob the bank, but instead stumbles upon a dimwitted prospector who has struck gold. The corrupt sheriff, Calhoun and a white-bearded mountain man all vie for the location of the mine. Calhoun occasionally talks to the disembodied voice of Knotts, even when the mule is nowhere nearby. We hear the inner thoughts of other characters throughout the movie, in pathetic attempts at juvenile humor.

The Texican (1966)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Lesley Selander
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Columbia TriStar)

Audie Murphy hunts down his brother's killer in Mexico border country. Broderick Crawford is the heavy who runs crooked card games in the saloon at Rimrock, backed up by hired guns. Audie romances a couple of local ladies while following the clues which inevitably lead to a showdown in the dusty, windswept streets. This Spanish production feels like a spaghetti western, with a twangy soundtrack by Nico Fidenco, uneven dubbing for the supporting cast and a tendency to emphasize violence and women over plot.

Tunes of Glory (1960)

United Artists
Directed by Ronald Neame
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Criterion Collection)

Two legends of British acting, Alec Guinness and John Mills, clash as commanding officers of a Scottish battalion with vastly different styles. Guinness is a loud, brash and alcoholic major whose loose style makes him popular with the men and other officers. Mills, who arrives to replace him, is a strict, by-the-book colonel who tries to change the culture in the barracks, much to the dismay of Guinness. Things come to a head when Guinness strikes a young corporal and Mills must decide to either go by the book and court martial him or let him off easy. His decision has unexpected consequences. There is no question about the quality of acting by all involved, it is of the highest level, but the story lacks real substance. Motivations for some of the actions are glossed over rather quickly with only cursory back stories. Traditional Scottish dancing plays a very important role, but it all seems rather silly to me, hardly worth all of the infighting. Finally, the last act turns melodramatic, out of place with everything that preceded it, and Guinness' final speech rings hollow to my ears.

Let's Do It Again (1953)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Alexander Hall
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Sony Screen Classics by Request)

Jane Wyman and Ray Milland are a bickering "modern" couple considering divorce. Ray lies about his business trips while partying all night with an exotic dancer. Jane gets even by staying out all night with a playboy then lying about a hotel tryst. Their juvenile antics are tiring and the constant sexual innuendo dumb. Ray is not credible as a hep jazz cat, his drum scene is embarrassing and his use of jazz lingo just as implausible. There is a campy nightclub scene featuring dancing African natives. Jane dances to the same song later on while party goers urge her on with chants of "go girl go!". Oh my.

Stolen Hours (1963)

United Artists
Directed by Daniel Petrie
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, MGM Limited Edition Collection)

Susan Hayward is diagnosed with a brain tumor and undergoes surgery by a friendly doctor. Although the symptoms are cured by the operation, she is only expected to live another year before it returns. She falls in love with the doctor, they get married and move to the English seaside. He carries on with his private practice while she substitutes a local boy for the son they will never have themselves. It sounds morose but is done with enough sensitivity such that the end result is a hopeful, if sobering, experience. Susan Hayward is quite good in a role made famous by Bette Davis in 1939's Dark Victory. Ironically, Hayward died of brain cancer in real life just a dozen years after this film.

Young at Heart (1954)

Warner Bros.
Directed by Gordon Douglas
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Artisan)

Doris Day and her sisters are part of a musical family living in a typical American suburb of the early 1950s. The sisters dream, and sing, about getting married. The first guy that comes along is ambitious songwriter Gig Young. He's a type-A personality and immediately takes over the household, moving in so that he can write songs for his next Broadway play. However, he needs his old pal Frank, a down and out piano player, to finish the music. Frank is a type-B personality, apathetic, relaxed, and Doris feels sorry for the guy. The end result is a web of dysfunctional relationships: Frank is in love with Doris, Doris is engaged to Gig, her sisters are also in love with Gig even though they have their own fiances, not to mention the elderly brother and sister living together as the heads of the household. Throw in an attempted suicide, ensuing hospital drama, a happy ending, and well you've got the ingredients for a soap opera, 1950s style. It all takes place in surreal WarnerColor on a massive studio stage set; even the outdoor scenes are shot indoors.

Bitter Victory (1957)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Nicholas Ray
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Columbia TriStar)

Richard Burton and Curt Jurgens are British officers in North Africa. They are assigned a dangerous mission to steal documents from the Germans in Libya. Instead, they mostly argue with each other over the meaning of courage and war. It can all be traced back to the fact that Burton was once in love with Jurgens' wife. All of the intellectualizing tends to obscure the more interesting desert survival trek that is at the heart of the movie. In one disgusting scene, a camel is killed and an internal organ carved out. Burton drinks the juice out of the organ to counteract a scorpion bite. Typical of the plot, he is really just trying to show Jurgens that he is more of a "man" for drinking it. More macho acts follow, some soldiers die in the desert and some are rescued.

Diamond Head (1963)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Guy Green
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Columbia TriStar)

Charlton Heston, who goes by the nickname "King", runs his Hawaiian plantation with an iron fist. When his sister wants to marry a local Hawaiian boy, he strongly objects on the basis of keeping the family blood "pure". By the way, Chuck has a Hawaiian mistress on the side. The headstrong sister (Yvette Mimieux) goes ahead with the plans anyway, until her fiance is accidentally killed one night by you-know-who. However, it turns out Yvette was really in love with her fiance's brother all along, meanwhile Chuck's mistress is having his baby. More soap opera plot twists follow, until the whole thing collapses under its own weight. It does have some beautiful location shooting in Hawaii, and Yvette looks great in her one-piece bathing suit.