They Only Kill Their Masters (1972)

MGM
Directed by James Goldstone
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Small town police chief James Garner investigates the murder of a woman who lives down by the beach. A paucity of clues leaves him stumped, but a dog proves to be very helpful. He starts up a relationship with local veterinary assistant Katharine Ross, who may or may not be involved with the crime. He butts heads with the local sheriff, mingles with the colorful locals and eventually solves the crime. If this were a movie version of The Rockford Files, nobody could tell the difference. Apparently the last film made on the MGM back lot, which makes the final shot, which frames the familiar downtown square and street, all the more poignant.

Hell Drivers (1957)

Rank Film
Directed by Cy Endfield
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Ex-con Stanley Baker takes a job as a truck driver in which he competes with the other drivers for pay and bonuses. The drivers are ruthless, the roads dangerous and the managers corrupt. Since they all live together at a nearby boarding house, their off time is spent drinking, fighting and courting the local girls, leading to more fighting and backstabbing. Baker must somehow keep his morals in the face of increasing pressure from the leader of the truckers. Patrick McGoohan stands out in an excellent cast of the best British actors, many of which were just at the beginning of their careers.

Eight Iron Men (1952)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Edward Dmytryk
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Sony Movie Channel)

Bored soldiers hunker down in a bombed out house in the perpetual rain of a European city. One of them gets trapped in a hole and pinned down by a machine gun. The rest debate the merits of trying to save him. Eventually, they defy orders, with one of them becoming a reluctant hero. Harry Brown adapted his own Broadway play, and like many films based on plays it's stagy and talky. However, a combination of well-developed characters and a doom-laden atmosphere make it more than watchable, but not on par with the best war films of the era.

The Vengeance of Fu Manchu (1967)

Warner Bros/Seven Arts
Directed by Jeremy Summers
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Master Chinese criminal Fu Manchu, Christopher Lee, abducts a doctor and forces him to perform plastic surgery on one of his nastier henchman. He comes out as the double of a Scotland Yard inspector determined to put Fu Manchu behind bars. Smuggled into England, the double takes over the life of the inspector who is kidnapped and brought to China. The fake inspector commits murder, is put on trial and sentenced to death. The race to save him, and the real inspector, leads to the final showdown in Fu Manchu's castle. The hodgepodge of genres, part horror, part martial arts, part Bond-ish international adventure, dates this firmly in the 60s: fun, but not especially compelling or logical.

Gun the Man Down (1956)

United Artists
Directed by Andrew V. McLaglen
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(MGMHD)

A standard western plot, thieves abandon one of their gang after a robbery who later seeks them out for revenge, is presented as an intelligent, adult drama. James Arness, in his last movie role before becoming world famous on Gunsmoke, does a year in jail for the crime, but wastes no time in finding his former partners in a dusty western town once released. They have set up shop in a saloon, and the ringleader has taken up with his former fiance. He hires a gunslinger to kill Arness, but loses in a duel. Arness then pursues them into a box canyon for the final showdown. Baby-faced Angie Dickinson, in her first leading movie role, is quite good as the former saloon hall girl who wants to go respectable but can't quite shake her past. The film suffers somewhat due to its back lot production, and the plot occasionally slows to a crawl, but a fine example from the period when westerns began to overcome their kiddie matinee origins.

Tucker: The Man and His Dream (1988)

Paramount Pictures
Directed by Francis Ford Coppola 
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(HDnet Movies)

A 1940's entrepreneur designs a new car, but then runs afoul of corporations and politicians who try to stop him every step of the way. The period flavor is overproduced by Coppola and Lucasfilm, the result looking more like a movie set than real Americana, which is ironic given the subject matter. In addition, for most of the film I thought Tucker was nothing more than a "snake oil salesman": cooking up advertising and selling something that actually did not exist, and I developed an extreme dislike for his fake persona. Apparently I missed the point, because after a long, predictable court trial for the ending he turns out to be the hero. The film bears many similarities to Coppola's similarly overblown pet project from the early 80's: One from the Heart.

Giallo (2009)

Maya Entertainment
Directed by Dario Argento
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(The Movie Channel)

A psychopath is picking up beautiful young models in his taxi cab on the streets of Turin, Italy. He drugs them, tortures them and usually kills them. Police detective Adrien Brody and the sister of the latest victim make an unlikely team. Brody is quiet, reserved, with his own shocking past, while the sister is determined, in fact she makes the breakthrough in the case. The plot, such as it is, borrows heavily from the "torture porn" genre, with disgusting, explicit scenes of body parts being cut, clipped or torn at an alarming rate. More tension and less blood would have made it a better film, rather than a forgettable horror retread in the genre which director Argento has become a follower, rather than a leader.

Of Love and Desire (1963)

Twentieth Century-Fox Film
Directed by Richard Rush
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

American Steve Cochran falls for wealthy nymphomaniac Merle Oberon on his first day on the job in Mexico. Her half-brother plots to split them up, partly to save Cochran from hearing the truth about his new love, and partly so he can have her for himself. Oberon has the predictable breakdown and attempted suicide. It's desperate melodrama played out on beautiful Mexico locations, though it's hard to tell on the poor quality Fox transfer.

The Black Bird (1975)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by David Giler
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Sony Movie Channel)

George Segal plays the son of the famous Sam Spade, a reluctant, and not very good, private investigator. He keeps his father's statue of the Maltese Falcon in a dusty cabinet, until it becomes wanted by a mysterious man, a beautiful lady and a midget Nazi. Spade would prefer to sell it to the highest bidder, but instead is hunted by a group of Hawaiian hit men and becomes romantically involved with a lady who may or may not be what she seems. Obviously inspired by the genre spoofs of Mel Brooks, this little gem has been unfairly maligned over the years.

Wild Grass (2009)

Sony Pictures Classics
Directed by Alain Resnais
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Starz)

A middle aged man finds a wallet in a parking garage, falls in love with its owner and stalks her. At first, the woman wants nothing to do with him and has the police ask him to stop bothering her. Later, she changes her mind, but by that time he rejects her instead. So, their little game continues, eventually involving his wife and her best friend. Resnais makes a few obvious statements about chance, but the characters are unlikeable, there is too much narration and it really boils down to nothing but a middle age crises which we've seen done better elsewhere.

The Day the Fish Came Out (1967)

Twentieth Century-Fox Film
Directed by Michael Cacoyannis
My rating: BOMB
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

Dreadful comedy about two downed pilots, Tom Courtenay and Colin Blakely, who wander around a Greek island in their underwear. The military shows up to look for them, and more importantly a missing atom bomb, under cover of gay tourists. They strut around in loud, tight swimsuits, doing nothing, going nowhere. Candice Bergen is an artist whose only purpose is to provide a metal-eating chemical and wear thigh-high white leather boots. Teenagers dance in unison to crazy music. The locals look lost. Baffling, boring, with a non-ending; at least the cast got a free Greek vacation.

Showdown at Abilene (1956)

Universal-International
Directed by Charles Haas
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Encore Westerns)

Unusual western fare with Jock Mahoney as a war-weary soldier returning to his home town and getting caught in the middle of a range war between cattlemen and farmers. Thought dead, his girl is about to marry his best friend, but it's obvious they are still in love with each other. His friend turns out to be leading the violent fight against the farmers, using a mean-spirited sheriff to do his dirty work. Mahoney, who has given up his gun after a bad war experience, learns that once in a while a man must fight in order to live in peace.

Numbered Men (1930)

First National Pictures
Directed by Mervyn LeRoy
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Restless inmates are assigned to the road gang where they pound rocks all day then stop for donuts and cookies at a local farmhouse. The girlfriend of one of the prisoners has taken on a job there and he can barely believe his luck. Meanwhile back at the prison, there is a jailbreak and the escapees end up at the same farm and make trouble. The warden decides to trust the inmates with guns for a hunt. Incredibly naive, even for the time, and unintentionally funny, just listen to the men chanting "donuts, donuts" outside grandma's kitchen door.

Little Boy Blue (1997)

Castle Hill Productions
Directed by Antonio Tibaldi
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Showtime)

Exceptionally unpleasant Texas trailer park melodrama about a teenage boy forced into an incestuous relationship by his impotent Vietnam vet father. It's laced with kinky sex and boring teenage romance problems between pretty boy Phillippe and his girlfriend. Despite everything going against it, the second half actually becomes somewhat intriguing, mainly due to a complicated back story that is gradually revealed. I can only imagine what this could have been in the hands of a more capable director, say David Lynch, who has obviously influenced Tibaldi.

Hate Thy Neighbor (1968)

Warner Bros-Seven Arts
Directed by Ferdinando Baldi
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Encore Westerns)

A family is murdered on a dusty western street, the only survivor a little boy. The brother of the slain father vows revenge. The trail leads to Mexico and a tyrant who gets his kicks watching slaves duel with iron claws. There are the usual gunfights, a kidnapping and a long torture scene with a man hanging over a snake pit. Sub par entry in the crowded revenge-driven spaghetti western genre, due to flat direction and bland characters. 

The Game (1997)

Polygram
Directed by David Fincher
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Cinemax)

Well-made and acted but ultimately absurd story of a "birthday present" wealthy financier Michael Douglas receives from his brother. Pranks escalate in intensity from home invasion to attempted murder, until Douglas wakes up in a coffin in Mexico. He eventually uncovers the truth, but it simply cannot explain the incredible coincidences that must occur for it to happen the way we are supposed to believe. As a result, for a movie that relies on the intelligence of the audience for its impact, the ultimate resolution falls apart the minute one starts to think about it. 

A Barrel Full of Dollars (1971)

Directed by Demofilo Fidani (as Miles Deem)
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Encore Westerns)

Klaus Kinski orders his gang to find and kill those responsible for murdering his brothers. So, they burn down the house of some locals, killing the whole family, except a brother, who happens to be the "Nevada Kid" and vows revenge on the revenge-takers. He gets help from a friendly bounty hunter and a girl he rescues from kidnappers. It's mostly an excuse for endless gunfights between Nevada and nameless goons. The final showdown with Kinski is anticlimactic, Kinski basically just makes himself a target by walking out on a roof!

The Master Gunfighter (1975)

Warner Bros.
Directed by Frank Laughlin
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Showtime)

Settlers in old California steal gold from ships to pay taxes owed to the US government. They use the local Indians for the dirty work, then slaughter them so they won't talk. Laughlin takes exception to the violence, then reluctantly uses his guns, and his sword, to stop anyone who disagrees. It's derivative of the much superior works of Sergio Leone, with highly stylized, cartoonish violence. Laughlin lacks the charisma to pull off a role that incorporates both the philosophical leanings of a samurai and the recklessness of a gunfighter. Still, in the right frame of mind, it can be entertaining.

Tarawa Beachhead (1958)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Paul Wendkos
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Sony Movie Channel)

A Marine Corp lieutenant runs amok in combat and kills, perhaps intentionally, the best friend of Kerwin Matthews. Back in New Zealand, Matthews falls in love with his friend's widow while the lieutenant courts her sister. They are practically at each others throats before being called back to duty for another island invasion. There are some good ideas floating around in this anti-war drama, but the melodrama is overemphasized and the final combat scenes rely on too much stock footage. Matthews is quite good in his non-Sinbad role!

Hell's Horizon (1955)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Tom Gries
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Sony Movie Channel)

A grounded and bored bomber crew fight among themselves over a woman, drink themselves to death over a letter from home or find other ways to kill time. When they are finally sent on a bombing mission to Korea, their old habits come back to haunt them. The combination of ridiculous melodrama and stock footage for the combat scenes sinks it. Chet Baker (and his trumpet) is wasted as one of the crew members.

Road Gang (1936)

Warner Bros-First National
Directed by Louis King
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Two newspaper reporters are railroaded to prison for printing a story about a crooked politician. Inside, they are subjected to torture by the guards, one of them eventually dies trying to escape. The prisoners start a mass riot in a mine in support of the wronged man. The gritty scenes of prison life are undermined by weak performances by the leads and a pat ending. Any use of the name "Metcalf" in the dialogue in reference to the politician is mysteriously edited out in the TCM print.

The Star Witness (1931)

Warner Bros.
Directed by William A. Wellman
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

An "all-American" family is terrorized by a mobster after they identify him in a gangland shootout. His buddies kidnap their little kid and threaten to kill him if they don't recant their testimony. Dad is beat-up when he refuses their demands out of a sense of "duty". It is up to grandpa, an old Civil War coot (played by Chic Sale in heavy makeup), to show them the way. It's a little too preachy for my tastes, and the cuteness of the kids, especially Dickey Moore, is overplayed to the point of annoyance.

The Spoilers (1955)

Universal-International
Directed by Jesse Hibbs
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Encore Westerns)

Fifth filming of the story of Alaskan miners tangling with a group masquerading as lawmen trying to jump their gold claim using legal tricks. It resembles the western TV shows of the time: stereotyped characters filmed on the Universal back lot. The famous fight scene for the ending lacks a punch, mainly due to lead Chandler's lack of charisma. There is a poorly staged model train wreck featuring obvious toy passengers not to scale.

Prison Ship (1945)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Arthur Dreifuss
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Sony Movie Channel)

A group of international POWs are put aboard a freighter by their Japanese captors. They leave the ship brightly lit in the hopes it will be sunk by an American submarine, neatly disposing of the prisoners. Realizing this, the prisoners try a variety of escapes, eventually succeeding. There is a an execution scene, including a small girl, and torture, both of which are rather graphic for 1945, but it guess it was the war years. That might also explain the blatant Japanese stereotyping and American propaganda. However, the short running time and lack of characterization are what really sink it.

The Doorway to Hell (1930)

Warner Bros.
Directed by Archie Mayo
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Lew Ayres is miscast as a Chicago gangster who muscles his way to the top of the mob. After he makes his fortune, he tries to retire in Florida with his floozy wife. However, when his brother is murdered he returns seeking revenge. James Cagney, in his second role, would have been much better in the lead, but here plays Ayres best friend, and his wife's lover.

Melancholia (2011)

Magnolia Pictures
Directed by Lars von Trier
My rating: BOMB
IMDb
(Showtime Beyond)

The first half of this film is an unbearably boring wedding party. Bride Kirsten Dunst pees on a golf course and has sex with a stranger. Her drunk father steals silverware. Her mother gives a hateful speech. The groom leaves alone, the only person demonstrating common sense. After getting to know, and loathe, these people, we get to spend the second half of the film with them waiting for the end of the world. Whether or not it's all just a metaphor for depression is irrelevant, either way it's a pretentious bore, filmed in nauseating shaky cam guaranteed to bring on a migraine. And what would a von Trier film be without a little animal abuse, here in the form of horses being beaten and whipped.

Pitfall (1948)

United Artists
Directed by Andre De Toth
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Dick Powell is bored with his predictable life of husband and insurance salesman. An investigation leads him to infidelity with pretty Lizabeth Scott. However, when she finds out about his wife, they call it off. Meanwhile, private detective Raymond Burr, obsessed with Scott, becomes insanely jealous, leading to murder. Grim depiction of the American dream, but I thought the ending was pat and the acting suspect, particularly Scott as the femme fatale. 

Fearless (1993)

Warner Bros.
Directed by Peter Weir
My rating: 3.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Cinemax)

Airplane crash survivors Jeff Bridges and Rosie Perez struggle to cope with their experience. Bridges starts to believe he is invulnerable to death, which gives him an almost religious outlook on his own life. He takes it upon himself to comfort other survivors, most notably Perez, who lost her young son. Perez leans on her Catholic religion, but is afraid to leave her own house until Bridges coaxes her out. Their relationship threatens to cross the line, further endangering his already shaky marriage with Isabella Rossellini. The film works on multiple levels: as religious allegory, as a psychiatric case study, but best of all as a story of one man's attempt to find the meaning of his life, and ultimately our own.

8 Million Ways to Die. (1986)

Tri-Star Pictures
Directed by Hal Ashby
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Flix)

Alcoholic police detective Jeff Bridges finally goes over the edge during a binge, wakes up in rehab, loses his job and his wife. After an AA meeting, a hooker invites him to a party. Although he can't remember her, he goes anyway, where he meets her slimey drug dealing gang headed by Andy Garcia in an early role. She fears for her life and asks him for help, but she is murdered before he can do anything. He vows to track down her killer, enlisting her hooker friend Rosanna Arquette. After an antagonistic start, they strike up an unlikely romance, and together take down Garcia and his empire. Laced with violence and profanity befitting its setting and characters, this may have been too much for the mainstream crowd of 1986 and has been unfairly maligned. Bridges is excellent as always, and Garcia is intense, although he does wear bad 80s suits.

Red Skies of Montana (1952)

Twentieth Century-Fox Films
Directed by Joseph M. Newman
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

"Smoke jumpers" in Montana build fire lines while the trees explode around them. Richard Widmark is the sole survivor of the opening battle. He can't remember all of the details, experiences profound guilt and then is hounded by the son of one of the victims. He's thrown back into action and is eventually sent to fight another big blaze, but this time must prove himself to the crazed son who goes after him with an axe. Overly melodramatic at times, but the fire scenes are undeniably spectacular. However, the print shown on FMC is so faded that it should have been re-titled Light Pink Skies of Montana, which is a real shame because this is probably quite a sight in the original Technicolor.

Hearts and Minds (1974)

Directed by Peter Davis
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Showtime Extreme)

Vietnam war documentary is a mix of interviews with soldiers, footage from old Hollywood movies filled with American propaganda, politicians trying to justify the war and folks back home on both sides of the debate. It is most effective when juxtaposing pro-Vietnam supporters with horrific images from the war. The debate rages on today, only in different countries, and the enemy has changed names from "communists" to "terrorists".

Le Havre (2011)

Janus Films
Directed by Aki Kaurismaki
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

A middle aged man works on the streets of Le Havre, France, shining shoes. His wife gets gravely ill and goes to the hospital for treatment. While away, he hides an illegal immigrant, an African teenager, on the run from authorities. He finds the boy's relatives and arranges to smuggle him to England, where his mother waits. As a "reward", his wife is miraculously cured in a contrived ending. Kaurismaki directs his actors to spend most of their time standing motionless, staring into space, arms rigidly straight down their sides, usually smoking a cigarette. After awhile, this becomes tiresome, but when character after character displays the same traits, it's unnatural.

Gaily, Gaily (1969)

United Artists
Directed by Norman Jewison
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Naive teenager Beau Bridges runs away from his small town to Chicago, where he plans to change the world as a writer. He loses all of his money to a pickpocket in the train station, but is "adopted" by the madam of a whorehouse who is attracted to his innocence. A series of misadventures follow, where political corruption, an unethical newspaper editor and his own sexual awakening combine to rob him of that innocence. A handsomely mounted production with occasionally stunning period flavor, its black comedy will not appeal to all tastes. Margot Kidder is ravishing in her film debut.

Death Watch (1980)

Contemporary Films (UK)
Directed by Bertrand Tavernier
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Showtime Beyond)

Murky story set in the near-future about a dying woman's last weeks shown on television as entertainment. Harvey Keitel is miscast as a man with a camera in his brain which broadcasts everything he sees back to a control room overseen by producer Harry Dean Stanton. Keitel befriends the woman (Romy Schneider) in a homeless shelter after she flees the unwanted media attention, unaware he is actually the source of the TV show. They wander around a bleak Scottish countryside, eventually ending up at the seaside home of her former husband (Max von Sydow) where a few plot twists await, none of them interesting or unexpected. Despite predating reality television by nearly two decades, it is an effective, if obvious, critique.

The Stone Killer (1973)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Michael Winner
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

Bronson is a police detective investigating a series of brutal murders in NYC. The trail leads to the California desert where ex-military types are being trained by the mafia for a revenge killing. An unfocused film that throws in too many undeveloped characters, and Bronson disappears for long stretches at a time. Action scenes are unconvincing: I spotted at least two obvious dummies falling from high places. Supporting work from overly familiar future TV stars Norman Fell and John Ritter (Three's Company) as well as Ralph Waite (The Waltons).

At Sword's Point (1952)

RKO Radio Pictures
Directed by Lewis Allen
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Turner Classic Movies)

The Queen of France reunites the Three Musketeers when her throne is threatened by a scheming duke. Since the original musketeers are old or dead, it is their sons, and one daughter, who answer the call for help. In one ridiculous scene, none of them seem to notice that Maureen O'Hara is a girl under that frilly musketeer costume, until they retire to a bed they intend to share for the night. Well, they rescue a king, have numerous sword fights and kiss Maureen at every opportunity the rest of the way. It all takes place on the RKO back lot, a poor substitute for France.

Drive-In (1976)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Rod Amateau
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Sony Movie Channel)

Amiable if ultimately forgettable story of a night at a Texas drive-in. The local rednecks are introduced in the first half, consisting mostly of high school students interested in getting laid, who hang out at the roller skating rink and listen to country music. Other boring story lines include a couple of bumbling hubcap thieves planning to rob the drive-in and a gang of losers who drive around in their van. The story lines eventually converge on the drive-in, where "Disaster '76", a spoof of disaster movies, plays out on the screen and the yahoos find love at the concession stand. Ironically, the movie-within-a-movie is the more entertaining.

Born Reckless (1937)

Twentieth Century-Fox Film
Directed by Malcolm St. Clair
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Fox Movie Channel)

Race car champion Brian Donlevy blows his money on girls and gambling, takes on a job as a cabbie and leads their fight against a rival cab company and their protection racket. Rochelle Hudson is terrible as the love interest, Barton MacLane wasted as the heavy. Fox's attempt at a Warner-style gangster picture lacks both a punch and atmosphere.