A Brief Vacation (1973)

Allied Artists
Directed by Vittorio De Sica
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Home Vision Entertainment)

A woman slaves away at her factory job while her husband recovers from an injury at home. Her mother-in-law also lives with them but seems incapable of making even the smallest decision. Fed up, and falling sick, she gets a check up and is sent to a mountain retreat to recuperate. She gladly accepts the opportunity to get away from it all. At the retreat, she meets a variety of other "patients", some very sick, others not so much, all complaining about their real lives. She recognizes a man she met earlier and they begin a timid romance. Eventually she is "cured" and returns to her dreary home life, apparently to carry on as before. One of De Sica's last films (he would direct only one more after this), is a slow paced, rather dreary affair, lacking any kind of spark to elevate it much above its melodramatic plot. 

The Warriors (1955)

Allied Artists
Directed by Henry Levin
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Set in 14th century France, after a century of war the French and English are trying to come to a truce. The English king heads home while appointing his son, Errol Flynn, the Duke to keep the peace. The local French royalty won't acquiesce and soon a battle is brewing. The local peasants complain about forced inscription and high taxes, so Flynn declares them both illegal. The French aristocrats, lead by Peter Finch, kidnap the Duke's lady hoping to lure him to their castle. It works, but Flynn disguises himself as the "Black Knight" and trains right alongside Finch and his men. His identity is eventually revealed leading to the usual swashbuckling, with Flynn getting the final say by axe instead of sword! Coming late in Flynn's career, this is not particularly good, with poor period flavor and a predictable plot. Finch overshadows Flynn in practically every way. 

The High Cost of Loving (1958)

MGM
Directed by Jose Ferrer
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Jose Ferrer and his wife of nine years Gena Rowlands are expecting their first baby. Meanwhile, new management is taking over at his corporate job and through a series of mistakes he thinks he is getting fired. He resolves to quit first, only being saved at the last minute when the truth is revealed. Ferrer is smug, Rowlands is stiff in her first screen role and the plot dated. 

Cry Rape! (1973)

CBS
Directed by Corey Allen
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Andrea Marcovicci is raped in her home. She is subject to uncomfortable questions from the police and an examination at the hospital. She later identifies the perpetrator in a line-up, as do several other women. Despite his uncanny resemblance, he proclaims his innocence. A public defender takes up his case. On a hot streak, he is determined to win at any cost. At the preliminary hearing he harasses Marcovicci which intimidates other witnesses, and the case starts to look like it will fall apart. Released on bail, another rape is committed and he is soon arrested. Everyone turns on him, including his lawyer and even his mom! During the ensuing trial, the real rapist is revealed to be... yep, a near-identical twin! Despite these ludicrous plot twists, this is not bad for a TV movie. Greg Mullavey stands out as the slimy lawyer. There is a long, gritty foot chase through a salvage yard. 

The Madwoman of Chaillot (1969)

Warner Bros.-Seven Arts
Directed by Bryan Forbes
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

A group of despicable businessmen meet at a Paris cafe to discuss how to make a fortune from oil discovered right under the streets. At one point, they go around the table and confess the worst sins that made them wealthy on the way to the top. Enter Katherine Hepburn, who lives in a sort of Victorian paradise right in the middle of the city, complete with elaborate gardens and greenhouse. When she learns of their plans from activist Richard Chamberlain, she holds a mock trial at her house. Despite an elaborate defense by Danny Kaye, they are found guilty. They are rounded up and taken through a door that leads underground, presumably to hell, since they are never seen again. Odd film that never quite escapes its origins as a play: talky and staged. Despite the incredible cast, only Kaye makes a lasting impression. 

Uranium Boom (1956)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by William Castle
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Mill Creek)

Rugged outdoorsman Dennis Morgan arrives by bus in a Colorado boom town. College educated William Talman arrives the same day, and they get into a fistfight at the local hotel over a room. However, they gain mutual respect and end up not only friends but partners. They venture into the desert to find uranium, hiring a local Indian guide. They eventually strike and manage to file a claim by outmaneuvering ruthless competitors. Morgan celebrates in town while Talman waits in the desert. Morgan unknowingly meets Talman's girlfriend and they have a whirlwind romance, ending up married when they head back to the desert together! Talman is incensed and storms back to the east coast where he rakes in money from the mine but also plots an intricate revenge scheme against Morgan. It's hard to find someone to root for in this melodrama, just about everyone has an ulterior motive, but I can't say I was bored by this "nuclear western"!

I Bastardi (1968)

Warner Bros.-Seven Arts
Directed by Duccio Tessari
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

After a successful jewel heist, Giuliano Gemma decides to keep the entire loot from his brother, who organized it, since it also resulted in the deaths of many of his competitors. Klaus Kinski is the jilted brother, and he soon comes looking for his money. However, Gemma will have none of it so Kinski kidnaps and threatens to rape his girlfriend in front of him. Gemma spills the location of the jewels while she turns out to really be working with Kinski. They cut the tendons in his shooting hand and leave him for dead, but he is nursed back to health by a friendly nearby rancher girl. They start up a new romance while he plots his revenge. Really a spaghetti western masquerading as a Eurocrime film, never quite succeeds in either genre. Rita Hayworth is a hoot as the whiskey-swigging mother of the two brothers. 

Escape from Planet Earth (2013)

Weinstein Company

Directed by Cal Brunker

My rating: 2 stars out of 4

IMDb Wikipedia

(DVD, Weinstein/Anchor Bay)

Arrogant space pilot Scorch is a hero on his alien planet. Think Buzz Lightyear on steroids. He accepts a mission to the "Dark Planet" (actually Earth), from which no alien has ever returned. He lands near a 7-Eleven in New Mexico, and is quickly captured by the government and whisked away to Area 51. A delusional general (William Shatner) plots with Scorch's chief to use a powerful substance called blubonium to take over the universe. Scorch's older nerdy brother (and his son) are sent to Earth to rescue him. Loud, obnoxious animated feature garners a few chuckles, but the frenetic pace makes it impossible to enjoy for all but the sugar rush crowd. 

The Frozen Dead (1966)

Warner Bros.-Seven Arts
Directed by Herbert J. Leder
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Dana Andrews is a German scientist thawing out the Nazi elite after being frozen for 20 years. However, the process is imperfect on their brains, forcing him to keep them as prisoners at his English countryside estate. He enlists the help of another doctor who specializes in keeping dog's heads alive. They soon do the same to a visiting girl, whose head they keep alive in a box. She communicates telepathically to the doctor's daughter, who tries to find her. Despite the ludicrous premise, it's occasionally bizarre and atmospheric, featuring not only the speaking, living head, but a wall of living amputated arms that she controls!

A Turtle's Tale: Sammy's Adventures (2010)

Optimum Releasing
Directed by Ben Stassen
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Vivendi)

Turtle hatchling barely survives his first day on the beach. He meets another turtle in the ocean and they spend their "childhood" floating around on a raft. They have numerous problems with humans, however, including a nasty oil spill and trawler nets, which eventually separate them. Sammy gets saved by some environmentalist hippies in the late 60s who keep him as a pet while living on a California beach. When that ends, he is back in the ocean and begins searching for a childhood "sweetheart" he remembers from his first day on the beach. Against all odds he finds her, and they travel some more, this time searching for a secret passage to a colder, friendlier ocean away from humans. More misadventures follow. Entertaining enough animated feature with environmental message that did not get in my way. 

Duel on the Mississippi (1955)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by William Castle
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Mill Creek)

In the early 1800s Louisiana, bandits make off with the sugar crop of a wealthy plantation owner. Unable to pay his debts without a crop, he is taken to court where his son, Lex Barker, agrees to become the slave of gambling boat operator Patricia Medina to save his father from debtor's prison. He immediately challenges her boyfriend to a duel and their sword fight later in the day is a highlight. Both survive, but he's got her attention and despite his servitude they can't deny a mutual attraction. Her involvement with the sugar thieves becomes a point of contention, but she helps him lay a trap on her riverboat. However, before he can win the girl there is another duel with the same boyfriend, this time with machetes. Tired melodrama with unconvincing period flavor. 

Jesse James vs. the Daltons (1954)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by William Castle
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Mill Creek)

A man who believes he is the son of Jesse James sets out to recruit the Dalton Gang to find out if his father is still alive. He baits them with the promise of a cut of a hidden stash of loot, the location of which was overheard by the woman he saves from the hangman's noose. The pair manage to goad the Dalton's to the remote hideout where James once lived, but the cash turns out to be worthless Confederate money. They summon a man who may or may not be the real Jesse James, who promises to help them rob a bank. Instead, he leads them to an ambush and shootout, while revealing his true identity. Hint: Jesse James is not in this movie. Originally shown in 3D, which will be obvious from the plethora of foreground objects and pointy things shoved in your face. 

The Rise and Rise of Michael Rimmer (1970)

Warner Bros.-Seven Arts
Directed by Kevin Billington
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Peter Cook infiltrates the office of a British public opinion poll firm run by an inept staff. Working for the wealthy owner, he uses his own surveys to get the manager fired and take over. He soon turns it around and makes frequent television appearances on topics of the day. He gets involved in politics and once again is so successful that he becomes a politician himself. Of course he is fake through and through, his opinions based solely on public opinion polls rather than any firmly held beliefs, even his wife is fake. The film remains remarkably relevant in the age of Trump, and is even eerily prescient. 

Night Must Fall (1964)

MGM
Directed by Karel Reisz
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Albert Finney is a young charmer who talks his way into a job at the country estate where his pregnant girlfriend works as a maid. He gains the confidence of the elderly owner by pretending to be her son. Next, he seduces the reluctant daughter, Susan Hampshire, and they try to hide their relationship from the others. Meanwhile, the police are dragging a nearby lake for the girl Finney violently murdered and dismembered in the opening scene! He exhibits increasingly paranoid behavior and gradually succumbs to his insanity. Hampshire realizes what is going on, but instead of running to the police tries to help him, perhaps at her own peril. Outstanding performance by Finney in a difficult role proves that Tom Jones was no fluke. 

Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus (2005)

Lions Gate
Directed by Greg Richardson
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Lions Gate)

Barbie is a rebellious princess who is pursued by an evil sorcerer intent on marrying her. The sorcerer turns her parents, and most of the kingdom, into stone. In order to break the spell she must assemble a "Wand of Light". She gets help from a friendly flying horse who turns out to be her long-lost sister, a friendly young man she meets in the Forbidden Forest and love interest, a Cloud Queen, and a cute polar bear for comedy relief. Fantasy elements help this sixth entry in the Barbie series, but it still exists mainly to sell toys (it was produced by Mattel) and suffers from poor computer animation. 

Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold (1975)

Warner Bros.
Directed by Charles Bail
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

The action moves to Hong Kong for this sequel, where Tamara Dobson is Cleopatra Jones, an American secret agent looking for a drug ring. She follows a couple of inept drug dealers who have been kidnapped by the Dragon Lady, Stella Stevens. Her elaborate casino serves as a cover for her undercover drug operation. Cleopatra and her new side kick, Chinese actress Ni Tien, use their martial arts and fighting skills to defeat Stevens and her hooligans. Instead of a blaxploitation flick it succumbs to the usual guns and explosions of a routine Hollywood action flick, and suffers from it. Dobson, in heavy make up and elaborate costumes, fails to cover up her lack of acting skills. 

Inside Out (1975)

Warner Bros.
Directed by Peter Duffell
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

James Mason is a Nazi who entices one of his old POW's, Telly Savalas, to help him looked for buried gold. Savalas looks up old friend Robert Culp in Amsterdam and convinces him to help. They have to come up with a plan to get another Nazi out of a heavily guarded Berlin prison, then convince him to tell them the whereabouts of the gold. They manage to do just that, with an elaborate ruse to convince him that Adolf Hitler is alive and well. Next, they have to recover the gold, which is buried in concrete beneath an apartment building in East Germany. Russian and American military types get in the way. Elaborate heist film might have worked if not for the miscasting, Mason is unconvincing as a Nazi, Culp is just too laid back as a crook, and Savalas is just, well Savalas, he is the same character in every movie. 

Lolly-Madonna XXX (1973)

MGM
Directed by Richard C. Sarafian
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Archive Collection)

Season Hubley is kidnapped by Tennessee hillbillies who mistake her for the teenage bride of one of the members of a family they are feuding with over land. Their family is headed by the hard drinking patriarch Rod Steiger, and they live in near-squalor. Meanwhile, the family across the way is more upstanding, headed by a thoughtful, respectable Robert Ryan. The teenage sons of both families like to play practical jokes, but turns deadly serious when one of Steiger's boys rapes Ryan's only daughter. Hubley has fallen in love with Jeff Bridges, about the only reasonable member of the Steiger family, but he gets pulled into the confrontation over the rape and turns out to be no better than the rest. Intense, violent, backwoods melodrama with a dream cast of youthful stars, but still melodrama at the end of the day. Shot on location in eastern Tennessee. 

Pippi Longstocking (1969)

G.G. Communications Inc.
Directed by Olle Hellbom
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Hen's Tooth Video)

Pippi is a mischievous teenager who lives alone in a ramshackle mansion with her pet monkey after being abandoned by her pirate father. She is idolized by the local kids because she can do whatever she pleases without consequences. She has an unlimited supply of money thanks to some gold bullion left by her father, which she uses to buy things like toys and candy for the kids. Eventually she gets the attention of some responsible adults, but luckily her father shows up to save the day. Surreal children's film culled from a Swedish TV series. 

Cannonball! (1976)

New World Pictures
Directed by Paul Bartel
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Blue Underground)

David Carradine is a race car driver who hopes an underground cross-country race will get him a job with a racing team after a stint in prison. He competes against a bevy of racers, including his arch nemesis who will stop at nothing to win. Carradine's younger brother Robert is a California surfer type who also competes with his girlfriend. Episodic film lacks focus, and laughs, as it quickly degenerates into a bloody, violent series of crashes and explosions. Stick to the much more entertaining Gumball Rally, based on the same cross country race. 

The Swan Princess (1994)

New Line Cinema
Directed by Richard Rich
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Columbia TriStar)

An evil sorcerer is arrested and banned from the kingdom by its king. He vows to get revenge, and later kills the king, kidnaps the princess and turns her into a swan at his remote castle. She turns into a human on certain moonlit nights and can only be permanently changed by a profession of a vow of love. Enter the prince of a nearby kingdom who was promised to her as children. He seeks her out following clues left by the dying king. He must defeat the sorcerer in his true form, a giant beast, and profess his love for the princess before she too is killed. Unexpectedly dark tale made by some disgruntled former Disney animators. It would fit right in with the animated Disney "renaissance" of the 90s, letdown only by an unmemorable soundtrack.

Green Mansions (1959)

MGM
Directed by Mel Ferrer
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Archive)

Anthony Perkins, on the run from a revolution in the capital city of Caracas, ends up in the jungles of Venezuela. He quickly loses his possessions and ends up captured by a local primitive tribe. His life is spared by their ruler and he is befriended by the king's son. However, when warned not to venture into a nearby forest he can't resist, and finds Audrey Hepburn as a sort of forest nymph living with her elderly father Lee J. Cobb. Cut off from civilization and other people her entire life, she is mystified by the mutual attraction between her and Perkins. Their potential love affair is cut short when Perkins returns to the tribe. He discovers the truth about the king's son, Hepburn and her father, but is captured before he can warn them about an impending attack. They burn out their house and send Audrey up her favorite tree and burn it as well. Presumed dead, Perkins returns only to find her in another part of the forest. Strange, lyrical film with just about everyone miscast but especially Perkins. Still, the curiosity value alone makes it watchable, as well as a magnificent score by Bronislau Kaper and Heitor Villa-Lobos. 

Pretty Village, Pretty Flame (1996)

Fox Lorber
Directed by Srđan Dragojević
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Fox Lorber)

Two childhood friends in Bosnia, one Serbian and the other Muslim, grow up and open an auto garage together. However, when the Bosnian war breaks out they find themselves enemies on opposite sides. While under heavy attack, one of them ends up trapped in a tunnel with his fellow soldiers and an American reporter. The other is part of a group that taunts them, and worse, from outside. This goes on for weeks, with the trapped soldiers slowly becoming demoralized and running out of food and water. They grow increasingly desperate until coming up with a plan to escape, but only a handful will survive. Complex drama that might require some brushing up on the politics of the Bosnian War to completely comprehend. Unflinching in its portrayal of the horrors of war, it's a tough watch.

Klondike Kate (1943)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by William Castle
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Mill Creek)

A train load of dance girls arrives at a remote town in the Yukon during the gold rush days. They are hired to work in a saloon by Tom Neal, much to the irritation of the owner of the other saloon owner in town who sent for them. Arriving on the same train is a young Ann Savage who lays claim to Neal's saloon with a deed from her dead father. He tries romancing her to save the saloon and she plays along for awhile, but is more interested in the saloon. Eventually the rival owner from across the street challenges him to a winner-take-all card game. However, when it is discovered a marked deck was used a huge bar brawl erupts between the rival factions. The rival escapes, but then is accidentally murdered by his girl friend. Neal is blamed and is almost lynched, until Savage realizes she loves him after all and comes to the rescue. William Castle's directorial debut is a quickly paced above-average programmer, though studio-bound sets make it seem rather confined given the setting. Savage and Neal would work together again just two years later in the film noir classic Detour. 

Max Dugan Returns (1983)

Twentieth Century-Fox Film
Directed by Herbert Ross
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Anchor Bay)

School teacher and single mom Marsha Mason struggles to make ends meet while raising her teenage son Matthew Broderick. Enter Jason Robards, her elderly father who disappeared decades ago. He is dying of cancer and loaded with cash he embezzled from a Las Vegas casino he felt ripped him off. At first she resists his offerings of cash and gifts, but eventually comes to accept both him and the ever more luxurious handouts. Meanwhile, her new potential boyfriend and police detective Donald Sutherland becomes increasingly suspicious of her new situation. Light-as-air comedy from Neil Simon, but Robards and Jason are up to their usual standards, Broderick not so much. 

The Place Promised in Our Early Days (2004)

CoMix Wave (Japan)
Directed by Makoto Shinkai
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, GKids)

Three childhood friends, two boys and a girl, attempt to build a plane so they can visit a mysterious tower in another part of a Soviet-occupied Japan. However, before they can complete it the girl disappears and the boys pursue their own scientific careers. Years later, they find out the girl is in a coma at a government research facility and her condition is related to the tower. They reunite to finish the plane, save the girl, and possibly save the world. Convoluted anime tries to mix concepts such as parallel universes with teenage love, and mostly fails. It is beautiful to look at, however. 

Ice Age (2002)

Academy Awards, USA 2003

Nominee Oscar

Best Animated Feature Chris Wedge

Twentieth Century Fox
Directed by Chris Wedge
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, Fox)

A wisecracking sloth is saved by a woolly mammoth from a couple of rhinos, then joins him on his trek northward. They pick up a human baby along the way, saving it from an icy death after his mother is attacked by saber-toothed tigers. One of the tigers later joins them, but in reality is leading to an ambush by others in his pack. They have several adventures, eventually learning to trust and like each other. The saber-toothed tiger eventually comes to respect the mammoth and cannot go through with the ambush and helps them fight off the pack. Occasionally lively but mostly predictable kids feature with rudimentary CGI that is really starting to show its age. 

Nightwatch (1994)

All Right Film Distribution (Denmark)
Directed by Ole Bornedal
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Anchor Bay)

A law student takes a night job as a security guard in a hospital. He roams the dim halls of the research labs and morgue on his hourly rounds. His best friend, a practical joker, pretends to be a body, but almost gets him fired. Meanwhile, a serial killer is loose and the body of his latest victim, a prostitute, shows up in the morgue. His friend hangs out with the same crowd and sets him up with one of the friends of the victim as a bet. The police come investigating at work, and they begin to suspect him after they find out about his bet. He spends the night in the morgue with his girlfriend to prove his innocence and come face to face with the real killer. Moderately entertaining thriller marred by kinky sex and jarring violence. 

Mr. Peabody & Sherman (2014)

Twentieth Century Fox
Directed by Rob Minkoff
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, Fox)

Sherman gets into a fight with a girl on his first day of school and is accused of biting her. His guardian dog Mr. Peabody invites the girl and her parents to their home in hopes of reconciling and avoiding child protection services. The girl convinces Sherman to show her their time machine, and they have several adventures. Peabody has to save them from ancient Egypt, but they have trouble getting back to the present. Peabody is assumed killed in ancient Egypt saving them again, but Sherman and the girl use the time machine to save him. In the process, the open a rift in time that threatens to destroy everything. Pleasantly diverting animated entertainment aimed at kids but with enough references to keep adults interested as well, just like the old Rocky & Bullwinkle Show on which these characters originated. 

Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast (2014)

Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment
Directed by Steve Loter
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, Disney)

This is really the story of "Fawn", an animal fairy who lives in Pixie Hollow with Tinker Bell and the rest of the fairies. Fawn is sort of the St. Francis of Pixie Hollow, nursing injured and abandoned animals back to health. One day she hears a low moan coming from the forest and finds a mysterious creature with a thorn in its foot. She frees the thorn and watches as the animal instinctively builds towers out of found rocks. Meanwhile, the protectors of Pixie Hollow conclude it is the "NeverBeast" told in legend who will destroy them. When the animal accidentally injures Tinker Bell, Fawn thinks they may be right and allows it to be captured. However, when Tinker Bell wakes up she tells them the beast actually saved her life, so Fawn decides to free it. The NeverBeast then proceeds to fulfill its real destiny of saving Pixie Hollow, not destroying it. Afterwards, there is a heart wrenching scene where the beast goes back into hibernation for a thousand years, with Fawn saying goodbye. The last of six Tinker Bell films stands with some of the best in a long line of Disney animal films, especially recalling Old Yeller. Don't let the title fool you. 

The Bridesmaid (2004)

First Run Features
Directed by Claude Chabrol
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, First Run Features)

Young Benoit Magimel falls in love with one of the bridesmaids at his sister's wedding. Their torrid affair soon comes crashing down when she asks him to kill someone to "prove his love"for her. Not wanting to lose her, he fakes killing a homeless man who lives on her property. Satisfied, she returns the favor by claiming to have killed someone a few days later. Magimel investigates and finds out it is true, but has trouble breaking up with her despite his horror. Slow, unmoving Chabrol, with the central motivation for the murder left completely unexplained. 

Tom Sawyer (2000)

MGM
Directed by Paul Sabella and Phil Mendez
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, MGM)

Tom and Huck witness a murder by "Injurin' Joe", but vow to keep it a secret lest Joe track them down. A deputy is falsely arrested for the murder, but Tom and Huck prove him innocent. Later, the boys are assumed drowned in the river after escaping from Joe but show up at their own funeral. The eventual showdown with Joe occurs in a cave. The old familiar Mark Twain story is given a rudimentary treatment by MGM, who outsourced the animation to Taiwan and used country music stars for the voices and songs. The results are uneven at best. 

Holocaust 2000 (1977)

American International Pictures

Directed by Alberto De Martino

My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4

IMDb Wikipedia

(DVD, Lionsgate)

Industrialist Kirk Douglas plans to build a nuclear power plant in the desert of a country in the Middle East. His plans are thwarted by visions of a mythical beast and warnings of the apocalypse. They all turn out to be true when his son is revealed to be the Antichrist. Blatant rip-off of The Omen with gory Italian violence influences that sicken rather than shock. Kirk is in full-on goofy mode, just like in Saturn 3, and his naked nightmares are just plain silly.

Mr. Mean (1977)

Lone Star Pictures
Directed by Fred Williamson
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb
(Blu-ray, Code Red)

Fred Williamson is hired by the mafia to make a hit in Rome. He spends most of his time there picking up women, including the girlfriend of a rival hit man trying to kill him. A Williamson vanity project (he wrote, directed, produced and starred), he gives himself plenty of scenes with beautiful women while wearing only a Speedo. It is poorly edited with a plethora of continuity problems and just awful acting. What it does have, however, is an abundance of 70s ambiance that just cannot be replicated today, including a funky soundtrack (and appearance) by the Ohio Players. 

Joshua (1976)

Lone Star Pictures
Directed by Larry Spangler
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, Code Red)

Arriving home after a stint in the Civil War, Fred Williamson finds out his mother has been murdered by a group of marauding bandits. He sets out to find them and kill them one by one. It's a basic revenge western formula, with Williamson giving his best Clint Eastwood impersonation as the "black rider". It all takes place among spectacular Utah landscapes with a moody, if anachronistic, electronic score. A nice change of pace from the usual low budget blaxploitation fare for Williamson. 

Free Birds (2013)

Relativity Media
Directed by Jimmy Hayward
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, Fox)

A turkey receives a presidential pardon at Thanksgiving and is taken to live as a pet at Camp David. There he meets another turkey who is convinced he can use a secret government time machine to travel back to the first Thanksgiving and save all turkeys from their future fates. They are hunted incessantly by one Miles Standish and friends. However, together with his romantic interest and a determined group of turkeys they prevail by convincing the settlers that pizza is more appetizing than turkeys. Ludicrous premise is pushed to the hilt and is so off-the-wall that it somehow ends up working. I'm not going to say it's a new Thanksgiving tradition, but what other choices are there?

The Pirate Fairy (2014)

Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment
Directed by Peggy Holms
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, Disney)

In Pixie Hollow, a talented young alchemist gets herself in loads of trouble by experimenting on the pixie dust that gives all the residents their ability to fly. Banned from her job, she runs away from the idyllic home, taking some of the powerful blue pixie dust with her. When her friends, including Tinker Bell, realize what has happened, they go after her. The rogue fairy has taken up with a group of pirates lead by Captain Hook, promising them unlimited riches if they help her produce more of her special dust. After succeeding, Hook double crosses her and it is up to her friends to save her and defeat Hook. Another in the seemingly endless sequels to Peter Pan gets lost in an overly complicated  and ultimately predictable plot. 

The White Buffalo (1977)

United Artists
Directed by J. Lee Thompson
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, Kino Lorber)

Charles Bronson is Wild Bill Hickok, here a middle aged western legend haunted by dreams of a giant white buffalo. He travels to Cheyenne and then into the wilderness to confront it. He meets Indian legend Crazy Horse (Will Sampson) who has an obsession with the same buffalo but for different reasons. Jack Ward as Hickok's friend complete the strange trio. An unclassifiable film that is part western and part horror, but mostly allegorical. Dark, disturbing soundtrack by John Barry sets the mood. Kim Novak appears briefly as a saloon/hotel owner and Bronson's ex-lover. 

Walking with Dinosaurs (2013)

20th Century Fox
Directed by Barry Cook, Neil Nightingale
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, Fox)

A herd of dinosaurs make their annual migration south out of Alaska. A young pachyrhinosaurus named Patchi, the runt of the litter, struggles to stand up to his older brother. When their father is killed in front of them during a forest fire, his brother becomes leader of the herd. Years later as young adults making the same migration, the younger dinosaur challenges his brother's leadership. He loses and is forced out of the herd, but later saves his brother's life leading to a reconciliation and happy ending. Impressive combination of CGI dinosaurs and live action backgrounds is let down by the dreadful decision to have voice overs for the dinosaurs. It doesn't work at all and the whole thing comes off as some kind of Discovery Channel show aimed at young children. 

Start the Revolution Without Me (1970)

Warner Bros.
Directed by Buy Yorkin
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Bros.)

Gene Wilder and Donald Sutherland play two sets of twins switched at birth: one aristocratic and the other peasants. It is set during the French Revolution (1789 to be specific, a date you won't soon forget after seeing the movie), so the peasants are revolting and the aristocrats are on the run. There is no plot, just a stream of unrelated events that the actors try to milk for as much comedy as possible. It barely got a chuckle out of me, and I love Monty Python and all things Mel Brooks, to which this has a passing resemblance. 

Clifford's Really Big Movie (2004)

Warner Bros.
Directed by Robert Ramirez
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Warner Bros.)

Clifford, a giant red dog, runs away from home because he thinks he is a burden to his owners. Along with a couple of normal-sized dog pals, they joint a traveling circus show who needs his help to survive. He immediately becomes the star of the "amazing animal show", much to the ire of the former star ferret. He convinces the troupe to enter a contest for a lifetime supply of dog food, which would solve his problem back home. They win, but Clifford is dognapped by the owner before he can get back home. His new friends help him escape and reunite him with his family. Surprisingly entertaining animated kids movie, just don't think too much. John Ritter is the voice of Clifford, one of his last credits. 

Savannah Smiles (1982)

Embassy Pictures
Directed by Pierre De Moro
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, MVD Rewind Collection)

Two bumbling escaped convicts adopt a little girl who has hidden in their car after running away from home. When they find out there is a reward for her return, they contact her father and try to arrange a deal. Over the next few days, they become endeared with the girl and begin to second guess their motives. The police are eventually tipped off and there is a stand off near their hideout. Innocuous "family entertainment", but has a little too much gun play for my family. 

Slogan (1969)

Royal Films International
Directed by Pierre Grimblat
My rating: 1.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Cult Epics)

Serge Gainsbourg makes award winning commercials but dreams of making his own film. While at an awards festival in Venice, he meets model Jane Birkin and they begin an intense affair. They drive around Paris making eyes at each other while pop music plays. She occasionally speaks in very bad French. His wife announces she is pregnant, but is fully aware of his fling with Birkin. They contemplate a divorce. Birkin tires of Gainsbourg and falls for a young Venice gondola driver. There is a messy breakup. Very dated and boring film only remembered today for the real life romance between the two stars. 

The Smurfs (2011)

Columbia Pictures
Directed by Raja Gosnell
My rating: BOMB
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, Sony)

The idyllic life of the blue smurfs in their forest realm is interrupted by their arch nemesis Gargamel, a human who wants to use steal "essence" for some kind of evil purpose. Papa Smurf and his close friends and family are transported to modern day New York City through a vortex under a waterfall, with Gargamel and his cat closely behind. They somehow convince advertising executive Neil Patrick Harris and his pregnant girlfriend to help them find a way back home and defeat Gargamel. Atrocious blend of live action and CGI with a by-the-numbers plot, filled with blatant product placement and advertisements for Sony products. 

Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend (1985)

Touchstone Films
Directed by Bill L. Norton
My rating: BOMB
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, Mill Creek)

Scientist Sean Young disappears into the African jungle with her husband William Katt in search of a monster they hear about from the locals that she suspects might be a living dinosaur. However, evil scientist Patrick McGoohan and the military get their first. They tranquilize a brontosaurus and intend to transport it up river so he can make a fortune back in civilization. The two idealistic scientists are stuck babysitting its offspring. Blatant King Kong rip off, with special effects even less convincing than the 1976 King Kong remake. Supposedly a "kids movie", it's filled with bloody shootouts and sexual innuendo, not to mention a topless scene with Sean Young. Incredibly it's a Walt Disney Production, though they wisely released it under their Touchstone label. 

Blood Feud (1978)

Associated Film Distribution
My rating: 2 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Scorpion Releasing)

After Sophia Loren's husband is killed by fascists for organizing a strike of the local fisherman, she vows to take revenge on the man responsible. Visiting lawyer Marcello Mastroianni, a communist who idolized Marx, falls in love with her while taking up her cause. At first repulsed, perhaps by his freakishly long beard, she later warms up to him after he saves her from an attempted rape. However, she later falls for a brutish American mafia boss. The love triangle goes nowhere, with the plot from that point forward revolving around which man is the father of her baby. In addition to the aforementioned beard, Loren's face is obscured by heavy makeup around her eyes, another distraction in a film that could ill afford it. 

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1956)

Allied Artists
Directed by Jean Delannoy
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(DVD, Miramax)

Anthony Quinn is Quasimodo and Gina Lollobrigida the gypsy Esmeralda in the first French version of the famous Victor Hugo novel and the most faithful adaptation. The story is familiar by now: Esmeralda is accused of murder and is given refuge in Notre Dame cathedral by Quasimodo. He is in love with her, but it is unrequited due to his grotesque features. She is in love with a womanizing soldier, while a cleric at the cathedral is in love with her. It all comes to a head in the dramatic finale. Unfortunately the film seems to flounder in epic excesses: the Carnival of Fools scene goes on far too long, as does Gina's seductive dance. Quinn overacts as usual and his makeup is ineffective. While it may not live up to expectations, it is good escapist entertainment, just not what Hugo may have intended. 

The Land Before Time (1988)

Universal Pictures
Directed by Don Bluth
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, Universal)

A large dinosaur saves her only child and some of his friends from an attack, but is fatally wounded in the process. Later, an earthquake separates the young dinosaurs from the main herd. They decide to carry on towards the "Great Valley", a paradise filled with food and safety. They are guided by the spirit of the dead mother and must overcome several obstacles along the way by learning to work together. Another handsome animated production from Don Bluth, with a quality story from executive producers Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. It spawned endless sequels and a TV series, which may have been Spielberg and Lucas's intentions all along.

Sky Riders (1976)

Twentieth Century-Fox Films
Directed by Douglas Hickox
My rating: 3 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray, 101 Films)

The wife and children of an American millionaire are kidnapped by a terrorist group in Greece. They take the prisoners to an abandoned mountaintop monastery and demand a ransom. The police are called in but are mostly inept. James Coburn, the father of one of the children, comes to the rescue by hiring a group of hang gliders and joining them in a dramatic rescue. Fantastic location shooting in Greece, especially effective during the hang gliding sequences, propel the otherwise routine kidnapping plot. The Greek-flavored soundtrack by Jerry Goldsmith is also quite good. 

Inferno (1953)

Twentieth Century-Fox Film
Directed by Roy Ward Baker
My rating: 2.5 stars out of 4
IMDb Wikipedia
(Blu-ray 3D, Panamint Cinema)

Adultress Rhonda Fleming and her hot shot boyfriend abandon her husband in the Mojave Desert after suffering a broken leg. They mislead the authorities as to his location and hope for rain to hide their tracks. Her husband proves to be more resourceful and determined than they anticipated and manages to find food and water in the harsh environment. When the police abandon their search, her boyfriend flies his private plane out just to make sure, and finds he is still alive. Fleming accompanies him to the desert to finish the job, but their final confrontation goes any way but planned. Enjoyable little B thriller shot in 3D, where the cacti leap out of the screen, but not much else.